Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Wait, what?
by SilverHeart09
Summary: A series of one shots focused on the Avengers! Pranks! Romance! Polite conversation! Thor's biceps! No slash, plain clean fun with a few naughty words. Please review!
1. What Happens in Vegas

_The chocolate went to my head and I ended up writing this! OMG 18 DAYS TILL THE AVENGERS COMES OUT! :D :D I've already booked my tickets! IT'S GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL! So yeah! To expel my excess fangirl-ness I present for your consideration a series of Avengers' one-shots, unrelated, and NO SLASH! But there may be some Natasha/Clint at some point, even though apparently there's no time for romance because 'There's shit to avenge.'_

_PLEASE REVIEW! :D :D_

* * *

Natasha stormed into Tony's room and threw the paper on the bed next to him, where the (still slightly sore) superhero was lying on his pillows, eating popcorn and watching _The Big Bang Theory._

'What the fuck, Tony!' she shouted at him.

Tony looked up at her bewildered. He probably would have been slightly more frightened had he not been slightly concussed by a DoomBot earlier in the day.

'If this is about the egg thing I swear they'd gone out of date, they were _green, _Tasha, _green. _They looked like something out of _Star Trek._'

Natasha looked at him blankly. 'What egg thing? You know what, never mind, read the article and tell me what the fuck you were thinking.'

Tony pushed himself into a sitting position, being very mindful of his ribs, and skimmed the article Natasha had outlined in a angry red pen. Both eyebrows shot up when he got to about the fourth line and a grin snuck its way onto his face.

'This is not funny!' Natasha yelled. 'This is the opposite of funny!'

Tony raised an eyebrow at her. 'You seriously think _I _wrote this? It's one of those cheap paper things supermarkets sell to try to get some extra money. They obviously made the whole thing up and some people are stupid enough to believe them. Seriously, Tasha, no-one cares. Plus, it's _me _everyone thinks wrote this crap. Since when has anyone ever taken _me _seriously? Not even the SI board do!'

In response, Natasha grabbed the TV remote and turned on CNN, where the headline was 'SUPERHERO TEAM MARRY SECRETLY IN VEGAS.'

Tony coughed popcorn across the room and stared, wide-eyed as the newsreader began to speak.

'_Earlier today Stark Industries' CEO, Tony Stark, admitted that after a few too many drinks in Vegas, the superhero team known as _'The Avengers' _decided to celebrate their recent victories by getting married in the Little White Chapel. Iron Man married Captain America, Black Widow married Hawkeye and Thor married the Hulk. When peace-keeping organisation SHIELD found out, it was too late to do anything or stop the nuptials. Stark proclaimed that: 'it was bound to happen eventually, we're all really close, it was just a shame that Agent Coulson wasn't there, he could have married his paperwork.' From all of us here at CNN, we wish them a long and happy union.'_

It was at this point that both Tony's and Natasha's phones went off simultaneously, however they were both ignored by their owners, who were staring with mouths agape at the screen.

'I married HAWKEYE?' Natasha screeched.

Tony banged on the wall connecting his room to Steve's. 'ROGERS!' he yelled.

'STARK!' Steve yelled back through the wall.

'I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU, YOU'RE A NICE GUY BUT I DON'T SWING THAT WAY.'

There was a long pause, then: 'THAT'S SOUNDS OKAY WITH ME, NOT THAT KEEN ON MARRYING YOU EITHER!'

Stark looked at Natasha seriously. 'We need to fix this,' he said. 'JARVIS, found out who wrote that article and shoot them.'

'_Yes, sir.'_

Tony glanced down at his phone. 'Ah shit it's Pepper, I better answer it, she won't stop ringing otherwise.' Tony flipped the phone open and immediately held it away from his ear, Natasha could hear snippets of words in between the screaming. Stuff like: 'what were you thinking?' and 'do you have any idea how many emails I'm going to get now?' Amusing though it was listening to Tony try and fail to calm Pepper down and reassure her that he hadn't married Steve and he loved her very much, Natasha's own phone was vibrating for attention and, unlike Tony, if left unanswered it wouldn't just keep ringing, SHIELD special ops would track the signal and come after her.

Natasha took a deep breath and answered it. 'Hello, sir,' she said, trying to sound calm though by the sound of it Fury was about to suffer a death by cardiac arrest.

In the room opposite Tony's (Clint's room), Natasha heard muffled swearing, the sound of several things falling over and a noise that sounded like Clint had just fired an arrow at the TV screen.

Clint burst out his room just as Tony managed to calm Pepper down and promise to take her for a vacation on his yacht that weekend to make up for it, even though he assured her he had nothing to do with it.

'WHAT IS HAPPENING?' Clint yelled and Tony hung up and quickly put his phone on silent, shoving it under his mattress where it could ring to its heart's content.

Tony stood up and put his hands on his hips, looking cross. 'What happened, Agent Barton,' he said. 'Is you got married to Tasha and didn't let me throw you a bachelor party!'

Clint glared at him. 'Well you married the American flag and didn't let me throw _you _one either, so I guess we're even.'

Steve opened the door and stuck his head into the hallway. 'Why is everyone shouting?' he asked.

Tony sighed. 'Steve, you have a TV in your room, do you never turn it on?'

Steve shrugged. 'I keep forgetting I have one, I prefer reading anyway.'

'Then read this,' Natasha said darkly, thrusting the paper under his nose.

Steve stared at it horrified. He looked up at Tony, then back to the paper, then at Tony again. 'Why would you _write _something like this?' he cried, scandalised.

'Oh please,' Tony said. 'Give me some credit, I did have a private education. If I had written it there'd be more posh sounding words and less exclamation marks. Plus, _why _do you all think it was me? There's loads of SHIELD agents that would _die _to be able to pull a prank like that!'

'BY ODIN'S BEARD!' a voice proclaimed from down the hall. Thor came storming out his room, Mjolnir in hand, looking furious. Natasha quickly stepped in front of Tony before he threw it at his head, not that she'd have minded, but it would've caused a lot of paperwork.

'It wasn't Tony,' Natasha said. 'There's too many exclamation marks.'

Tony turned to Steve. 'Even the Norse God of Thunder watches TV occasionally.'

'He watches the cooking channels,' Steve said, raising an eyebrow at him.

Tony shrugged. 'Still counts.'

The group then heard a strangled cry from the room on the other side of Clint's and Bruce came out, wide eyed and looking panicked, and by the looks of it also close to breaking into Hulk Mode.

'Calm yourself, friend Bruce,' Thor said. 'It was not the Man of Iron's fault due to the quantity of exclamation marks.'

Bruce took a deep breath and sat on the floor. 'What do we do?' he said in a half strangled voice.

'_Sir, I have traced the article to its source,' _JARVIS said from above, making them all jump. _'It was written by a Peter Parker, currently residing in New York. I believe you are all acquainted with him.'_

There was a pause.

'Sonofabitch,' Clint muttered under his breath. 'He never did forgive me for eating his last raspberry yogurt.'

Tony grinned. 'So,' he said. 'Who wants to go pay our friendly neighbour Spider-Man a visit?'

There was another pause, then they all marched back into their rooms to get changed, with the exception of Tony who went to the shop to get armoured up.

The quickest ten minute change later, the six members of the Avengers, with Bruce in Hulk Mode, were ready to go. Natasha wrapped her arms round Tony's neck and placed her feet on his, fitting them into the armour's groves. The Quinjets had been all but blown to smithereens by the DoomBots and she had no intention of walking or taking the tube, plus she preferred flying with Tony, Thor's muscles were like rocks. Clint clambered onto Hulk's back and Steve jumped up onto Thor's bench-like shoulders.

'Avengers Assemble,' Steve said seriously. Tony's face-plate snapped down and he jetted off into the air with Natasha clinging on tightly, Thor behind him with Steve, Bruce and Clint crashing along underneath them. Clint patted Hulk's head. 'Try to not destroy _too _many paving stones, buddy,' he said. 'And watch out for the cars, Fury gets pissed.'

Hulk grunted.

* * *

Peter Parker was feeling rather pleased with himself. That article had had a billion hits online and it was the hot topic on Twitter and Facebook. He even checked his tumblr site and there had been many gifs of various people weeping hysterically. One post had even said: 'WHY TONY WHY. I WOULD HAVE MADE YOU SO MUCH HAPPIER! WE COULD HAVE HAD IRON BABIEEEEES!' Another simply had an arrow pointed to Steve's picture in the article with the caption: 'Your face, congratulations.'

It was then he heard the rap on his window. Peter turned round slowly and was not surprised to see Iron Man floating there, mask still down, with Black Widow pointing a gun at him. Thor was holding Mjolnir threateningly and Steve looked like he was about to use his shield to smash through the glass.

'HULK SMASH TINY SPIDER PERSON,' Pete heard from somewhere below them. He rolled his eyes. Hulk, eloquent as always.

Pete stood up and opened the window, Iron Man pointed at him accusingly. 'Why,' he said.

Pete shrugged. 'I was bored! And Clint ate my last raspberry yogurt.'

Black Widow cocked the gun and glared at him.

'That's not what I meant,' Tony said, waving it off and flipping the face plate open. 'I was referring to why I had to marry _Steve, _not offence buddy,' he added.

'None taken,' Steve said. 'I think…'

Clint fired an arrow attached to a rope through the window, where it embedded itself in the back of Pete's sofa, he scampered up the rope and simply hung there outside the window, one foot on the wall to stop himself swaying.

Pete grabbed his laptop and showed it to them. 'I've already written an email explaining it was a harmless prank,' he said. 'I didn't know it would go global! It's the crap that only gets mentioned in _Men in Black _for heaven's sake, that kind of garbage is referred to as the "hot sheets".'

Steve looked confused and Tony looked at Natasha. 'Another movie night, I feel,' he said.

Natasha nodded seriously. 'We can't have Steve not knowing who the Men in Black are,' she said.

'Not that they're much use,' Clint muttered. 'We could really do with their help the next time Loki turns up.'

'So… forgiven?' Pete asked.

Natasha put her gun away and Tony shrugged. 'Personally I thought it was hilarious,' he said. 'It was only the marrying Steve bit that I disagreed too.'

'I vote we stop at Target on the way back and get some food for the movie,' Natasha said.

'We need to be holding hands,' Tony and Clint said simultaneously.

Natasha turned to Pete. 'We are willing to forgive you on one condition,' she said.

Pete nodded and Natasha pointed a slender finger at him. '_You _have to deal with Fury.'

Pete felt his heart sink. 'Oh hell,' he said.

* * *

_MOVE ASIDE REED RICHARDS AND SUSAN STORM! AVENGERS' WEDDING TAKES PLACE AS THE NEW WEDDING OF THE CENTURY._

_It was revealed today that the Avengers have got married… to each other! The superhero team were seen partying into the late hours at Las Vegas last night and it seems the tequila shots have gone to their head as they take their vows at the Little White Chapel!_

'_It was obvious there was chemistry,' an onlooker (18 year old student Susie Partridge) said of the group! 'Iron Man and Captain America kept grinding and Thor was going this weird dance with Hulk, personally I think it was an Asgardian mating dance or something.'_

_The 6 superheroes were seen leaving the chapel holding hands and with wedding bands on their fingers! Our sources report that Iron Man and Captain America couldn't get their hands off each other and Black Widow wasn't letting go of new husband Hawkeye!_

'_It was bound to happen eventually, (Tony Stark tells the shocked assembled crowd!) we're all really close, it was just a shame that Agent Coulson wasn't there, he could have married his paperwork.'_

_Well whoever Agent Coulson is I'm sure he'd love to join in the fun! The only other couple was Thor and the Hulk! With their big burly sizes it sure looks like a match made in Heaven! _

'_I can't wait to take him home to meet my dad!' Thor said of husband Hulk. 'He'll LOVE him, I'm looking forward to battling Frost Giants with him!'_

_Well good luck with that! I'm sure you'll make a great team and personally, rather you than me!_

_Article submitted by- anonymous source._

* * *

_Please review! Virtual cookies for all!_


	2. Educating Steve

_Watching Embarrassing Bodies, got inspired :) Steve's reactions to the program are basically based on my brother's reactions. Although in fairness my brother hasn't pulled a Clint yet._

_Please review! Or send me prompts!_

* * *

Steve wandered into the rec room, he'd have enough of the computer. Both Tony and Bruce had been trying to teach him how to use it but recently whenever he'd turned it on the screen had turned blue and turned off.

Natasha and Tony were already in the rec room watching TV. Natasha seemed uninterested in the program, but Tony was sat staring at the screen with the most peculiar expression on his face, a combination of disgust, interest and shock.

'What are you watching?' Steve asked.

'Oh no, no no no,' Tony said, shaking his head at him. 'If you can't handle _Grey's Anatomy _I am SO not letting you watch _Embarrassing Bodies._'

Natasha smirked and Steve sat down next to them. 'It can't be that bad… WHAT IS THAT?'

'That my friend, is a swollen testicle,' Tony said, clapping him on the back.

'It's also why it's important to check your balls regularly,' Natasha said, looking at him seriously.

Steve flushed red and covered his face with a cushion. Natasha smirked

'Hey guys,' Clint said, walking in. 'What're we watching? ARGH UNCLEAN UNCLEAN,' he yelled running out with his hands over his eyes.

'Don't worry, Steve,' Tony said. 'I always check my balls regularly.'

Steve stood up and walked out the room with his hands over his ears. Tony shrugged and turned to Natasha. 'No wonder prostate cancer is such a problem nowadays.'

Natasha nodded at him and turned back to the TV.

* * *

_Please review! :)_


	3. A Day At The Races

_So today I went to the seaside with some friends and there were go-karts and I beat my boyfriend, so proud of myself. Anyway, when I was driving around I thought of this :)_

_Thank you to everyone that's reviewed! You make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! :) And the Avengers are at a theme park somewhere, chilaxing._

_Please review!_

* * *

'This is a bad idea,' Steve said for the millionth time.

'It's NOT a bad idea,' Tony protested. 'It's a great idea, quite possibly the best I've ever had. Clint agrees with me.'

Beside him, Clint nodded. 'It is the best idea he's ever had,' he confirmed. 'And he hasn't had many.'

Steve turned to Natasha, hearing Clint complain as Tony punched him on the arm. 'Come on, Natasha. Surely you don't think this is a good idea. You've seen me try to drive, it was horrific!'

'In fairness, it was Tony's car, there's a reason we didn't tell you how much it cost,' she said. 'And I'm looking forward to beating all your asses into the ground.'

Steve turned to Bruce. 'Bruce?' he begged.

'Nope, sorry buddy,' Bruce said. 'I've been looking forward to this for ages.'

'It's a go-kart, Steve, it only has two pedals for crying out loud!' Tony said. 'And you know how the steering wheel works. There are no gears, just brake and accelerate and the barriers are made of rubber, so if you _do _crash into them, it won't hurt… that much.'

Steve sighed and looked like a hurt puppy; Tony felt sorry for him. 'Look, Capsicle,' he said. 'We're letting _Thor _have a go. And if we trust _Thor _of all people to drive a go-kart then you will have no problem.'

Thor clearly didn't understand that he was being dissed and looked at them all, grinning at the mention of his name. He'd been staring in wonder at a girl dragging her younger brother back to their parents, probably trying to work out how her hair could be six different colours.

'Okay, you six, you're up next,' the attendant said, waving them through onto the track.

Natasha immediately took pole position at the front in a pink cart, Tony sat behind her in the red one, Thor behind him in the grey one and Bruce behind them in the green one.

Clint nudged Steve with his elbow. 'You go in the blue one behind Bruce,' he said. 'That way I can give you a nudge to get going if you need it.'

'Thanks, Clint,' Steve said, taking the blue one and clipping himself in while Clint sat behind in the black one.

'Okay, you all know the rules,' the bored looking attendant said. 'No ramming, or deliberate crashes into the wall. You have two pedals, the accelerator and the brake, you can use either but not at the same time. If you should run into difficulties simply raise your hand and one of the attendants will come and sort you out. Any questions?'

Steve looked like he was dying to ask if he could get out and leave but a glare from Tony kept him in his seat and he said nothing.

'Okay then,' the attendant said. 'When you're ready to go, please go through the gate.'

Natasha slammed her foot on the accelerator and flew forwards, Tony fast behind her with a cackle. It took Thor a while to get going, but when he did he shot forward and slammed straight into the barrier, Bruce and Clint laughing at him from the back as the attendant sighed and pulled the kart in the right direction. Thor zoomed off and out of sight with a cry of 'FOR ASGARD!'

'You can't do worse than that, Steve,' Bruce reassured him. 'Just turn the wheel and give it some gas and you'll be fine.' With that he floored the accelerator and moved off.

'Good luck!' Clint said. 'I'll see you at the finish line, probably miles behind Tasha.'

'Probably,' Steve said. He took a deep breath, and hit the accelerator.

The kart shot forwards several meters and he quickly turned the wheel to avoid pulling a Thor and hitting the barrier. The kart continued forward and Steve relaxed, this wasn't so bad, he could do this. He drove up the ramp and saw Natasha and Tony side by side in the distance yelling abuse at each other. Thor behind them swerving in many different directions.

A crowd had gathered around the track and were cheering them all on. He heard someone yell: 'COME ON STARK! We don't want another repeat of Monaco!'

Tony saluted them and drove straight past Natasha into first, Natasha wasted no time in turning the air blue with a string of Russian curses.

There was a gush of wind as Clint and Bruce both overtook him and Steve grinned in determination. 'I don't think so!' he yelled, pushing the kart faster.

'GO CAP! GO CAP!' a group of teenage girls yelled while their boyfriends shook their heads and tutted.

'GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!' he heard Clint yell, who had just been overtaken by Bruce.

'Go Hulk on his ass!' a teenage fangirl yelled.

'That would be very bad!' Tony shouted as he drove past, still in first with Natasha trying to ram him into the barrier behind.

Steve managed to overtake Clint who let out a string of Natasha-inspired curses and closed in on Bruce. Thor, amazingly, was still third and was yelling: 'I HAVE TAKEN DOWN FROSTGIANTS! YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME!'

He was cut short when Bruce soared past him and went after Natasha.

'COME ON CAPTAIN AMERICA!' a little boy yelled. 'PRETEND THEY'RE HYDRA!'

'OH SHIT DON'T TELL HIM THAT!' Tony yelled from the front.

Steve spared a glance at the boy. He only looked about five or six and had a Captain America t-shirt on. Steve grinned at him and saluted and flew past both Thor and Bruce in quick succession, zeroing in on Tony and Natasha, who were still yelling abuse at each other much to the enjoyment of the crowd, something along the lines of: 'WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE, AT THE AFB?'

Steve vaguely remembered reading an article in the paper somewhere about providing support for the deaf/blind, and he was fairly certain that AFB stood for American Foundation for the Blind, which certainly fit the insult.

There was a loud crash behind him and Steve spotted Thor going sailing into Clint, an achievement considering Clint had been behind him. Loud cheers and hollers went up and Steve saw the attendant sigh and go to untangle the two karts from each other.

He heard an engine close behind him and pushed the pedal down further as Bruce got nearer and nearer, getting closer to the bumper of Natasha's kart. Tony was still in the lead but Natasha was getting closer and the insults were continuing. Steve got right up behind the back of Natasha's kart and prepared to sneak round and overtake into second place.

However, he timed it quite badly, not noticing the bend coming up. Everything happened very quickly. Steve went to overtake Natasha, not realising that she was turning to drift round the corner and drove straight into her at an angle, forcing Natasha's kart to swerve to the side and smack into Tony's wheel, which sent his kart spinning into the barrier. The three karts smashed straight into each other, propelling them forward towards the finish line and stopping just before it. Tony casually untangled himself from the seatbelt and learned over the kart, casually tapping the other side of the finish line and grinning at the other two as Clint, Thor and Bruce came up behind them all in hysterics. Steve spotted a grandmother tap her young grandson on the shoulder. 'Loki won't know what's hit him,' she said. Tony heard this and burst out laughing.

'Another go? I refuse to let Stark beat me,' Natasha said, a death glare aimed in Tony's direction.

'Sorry!' Steve said, covering his face with his hands.

'Are you kidding?' Tony said, a grin plastered on his face from ear to ear. 'That was the best spin EVER! Please tell me someone filmed it!' he yelled at the whooping crowd.

'I got it Mr Iron Man, the grandmother's young grandson said, proudly clutching his camera.

'YouTube!' Tony said, grinning at him.

The boy nodded furiously, it looked to Steve like he just thought he'd been given a mission which must be carried out or there would be consequences, although by the looks of it and the number of phones that were out, Steve wouldn't be surprised if the video wasn't _already _being uploaded.

Tony clambered out of the kart and went to help Natasha out, but she ignored him and got out herself. Tony raised his hands, 'suit yourself,' he said.

'I vote we get a couple of picture with the kiddies while they clear the track and other people have a go, go get some lunch, then come back when it's quieter and not stop till someone's beaten Tony,' Clint said.

'Agreed,' Bruce said, grinning.

'You want a picture, kid?' Tony asked the grandson with the camera.

The boy's eyes were as wide as saucers. _'Can I?' _he asked, looking like someone who had just won the lottery which, Steve pondered, he probably thought he had. He looked at Tony who lifted the boy up and sat him on the barrier, getting the others to come join him as the grandmother lifted up the camera.

_I sure as hell never saw Howard pose for a picture with a child, _he thought to himself. _Maybe I was wrong about Tony. _

'Hey, Capsicle! Get your butt over here! I can feel my head sprouting more grey hairs!'

_Or maybe not._

* * *

_Please review! :)_


	4. Moonlight Sonata

_Feeling a bit melancholy this evening and wrote some Pepperony fluff. This is for thatpersonwhoisthatperson in the hope that she will be strong and avoid the Pepperony spoilers on tumblr :) And also for me, I had a serious internal battle to not click that link. I was listening to Hushabye Mountain by Stacey Kent while I was writing this, it's very soft and cute and great background music :) I will be continuing this in the next chapter._

_Please review!_

* * *

Tony was sat on the roof of the mansion, his feet dangling over the edge, staring out over New York and, in the distance, the statue of liberty.

'Was it worth it?' he asked his silent companion. 'Fighting all those people, winning the war, then getting frozen and losing the woman you loved?'

Steve looked down into the mansions grounds, at the plants someone had planted that were shining in the moonlight. 'Yes,' he said after a long pause. 'It was worth it. If I hadn't I wouldn't be sat here with you now and I doubt there would be much of a world left for us to protect.'

'I couldn't imagine losing Pepper,' Tony said after a moment. 'If I could save her or save the world, it would always be her.'

'I'm not sure she would agree with you on that one,' Steve said quietly.

'I expect not,' Tony said smiling.

'Where is she tonight?' Steve asked cautiously. 'I thought you had a date?'

'We did,' Tony said. 'But her parents called and demanded she go and talk to them. She sounded upset when she phoned me to cancel, I went round to her apartment but she wasn't there.'

'I hope everything's okay,' Steve said frowning.

Tony checked his phone for the billionth time that evening, still no messages. 'So do I,' he said. 'I had JARVIS track her cell, she's at her parents house in DC.'

Tony's phone buzzed and he quickly opened the message.

'_I'm at JFK, come get me please. Pepper xx'_

'Duty calls,' Tony said standing up and making his way along the roof to the stairwell.

'Tell her I say hi,' Steve said, remaining where he was.

Tony nodded and disappeared back down into the house. Steve looked at where Tony had been looking, at the Statue of Liberty.

_The world, or Peggy Carter?_

He smiled softly, it would always be Peggy.

* * *

The airport was practically empty when Tony pulled up outside and got out the car. For the city that never slept, it was unusually quiet tonight. Tony made his way into the arrivals lounge, Pepper was stood by the window, a coffee in her hand, looking down at her shoes, flats, not heels for once.

'Hey beautiful,' Tony said, kissing her on the cheek. 'Everything okay?'

Pepper shook her head and Tony noticed the tears on her face, he kissed them away, took the coffee out her hand, put it on the side and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms round his waist and buried her face in his chest, breathing in his soft scent. It always soothed her to feel the gentle hum of the Arc. It had creeped her out at first but now she was used to it, her wonderful battery powered boyfriend.

'What happened?' Tony asked, rubbing her back.

'The usual,' Pepper said, her voice mumbled through Tony's clothes. 'They still don't approve. "Get yourself a proper boyfriend, one that won't run off to Vegas and break your heart, or explode and take the world with it".'

Tony pulled her away from his chest and stared at her seriously. 'You do realise I would never _ever _do that, right?'

Pepper smiled at him. 'Of course I do, although I'm not too certain about the blowing up part, I know how much you love making things explode.'

Tony kissed her and Pepper hugged him again. 'I missed you,' she said. 'I'm really sorry about our date.'

Tony kissed the top of her head. 'Doesn't matter,' he said. 'I have two options for you. One: we got to the tower and have really great sex for the entire night, or two: we pickup takeaway and go to the mansion, Natasha was going to put _Men in Black II _on for Steve's benefit, we saw the first one a couple of days ago.'

'Not that the great sex option isn't appealing,' Pepper said. 'But I think I prefer option two, I want to be with people this evening.'

Tony nodded and kissed her again. 'You got it,' he said.

* * *

_Please review!_


	5. Galaxy Defenders

_Why did I write this? I don't know, I spent the evening watch Men in Black bloopers that's probably why. It's a bit long for a one-shot but I haven't got the energy to cut bits out. For anyone who hasn't seen Men in Black, this could be about to get confusing for you. _

_Please review!_

_Academy Award Winner Tommy Lee Jones has healthy teeth and bones._

* * *

It was a short ride back to the mansion. For some reason people thought that aliens were more likely to attack at night, and there was certainly evidence to support that theory, so everyone had stayed indoors with the bolts drawn across and the curtains closed. Not that it was quiet though, there were still people out on the sidewalk and on the road and the pubs and bars will still open.

'Try to stop New Yorkers from having a good time,' Pepper pointed out. She'd put the roof down and had an elbow on the window, staring up into the sky. 'I wonder if there are any other aliens up there waiting to kill us?'

Tony stopped at the lights and glanced up. 'Probably,' he said. 'SHIELD hasn't picked up anything yet though.' The lights changed and Tony put the car into drive, moving the car forward.

Pepper looked at him. 'I have a question for you, and I want you to answer honestly.'

Tony glanced at her. 'Fire away,' he said.

'Would you be against meeting my parents?'

Tony's answer was immediate. 'I wouldn't be against meeting your parents, but I think they'd be against meeting _me._'

'But if I arranged for them to come to New York and you just _happened _to be there?'

Tony laughed. 'I love it when you talk dirty,' he said. 'Bring them to the mansion, I'll have more backup that way.'

Pepper laughed and Tony smiled. The pressures she'd been put under by the company recently were extraordinary and Tony felt like firing every single one of them.

'Oh, and tell the board I'll be there at the meeting on Monday, and I'll be bringing Agent Romanoff and Thor with me.'

Pepper goggled at him. 'Are you _serious?_' she said.

Tony nodded. 'They're trying to lock you out purely because you support me, it's my damn company and I'm not going to let them do that. I think Tasha wants to have a few harsh words with all of them and Thor has _really _big muscles, so he can just sit in the corner and look tough.'

Pepper smiled. 'That sounds awesome actually, we may have to get the video from the security cameras and put it on YouTube.'

Tony grinned. 'That actually sounds amazing,' he said.

'_Sir, you have an incoming call from Agent Romanoff,' _JARVIS said, speaking from the car's integrated computer system. There was a reason it cost 9 million dollars.

'_PIZZA!' _Natasha's voice came from over the comm. _'And lots of it, Thor says he's starving and you know what happened last time.'_

'What did happen last time?' Pepper asked.

'He ate EVERYTHING,' Tony said, looking at her with a very serious face. 'And I mean EVERYTHING.'

'_All the tins in the cupboards, all the frozen meat and potato chips, all the cheese, milk, bread, herbs and spices, not a single cupboard was left unturned.' _Natasha said sounding grave.

'How can you eat herbs and spices?' Pepper asked confused.

'He found a way,' Tony said. 'We came downstairs in the morning and there was packaging everywhere. If we hadn't found it quite impressive it would have been disgusting.'

'_Bruce and Steve both want margherita's, Clint wants a meat feast and I'd like a ham and pineapple please Tony,' _Natasha said.

'What about Thor?' Tony asked.

'_He said he wanted everything on the menu, so a supersized meat feast or something, and garlic bread and dippers.'_

'Got it, see you in a bit.'

'_Bye Tony.' _

The comm buzzed and went silent. Tony looked at Pepper who's eyebrows were disappearing into her hairline. 'EVERYTHING?' she asked, still clearly not getting it.

'Everything,' Tony affirmed. 'What pizza do you want? I'm in the mood for a pepperoni,' he said, winking.

Pepper sighed. 'God knows what pen pusher came up with that,' she said.

'How can you not like it? It's awesome! Pepper + Tony = Pepperony! Like Brad and Angelina have Brangelina.'

'Both of those suck!' Pepper protested.

'Well it's either that or Topper, so take your pick. Plus from what I've heard, tigers love pepper, and Wall Street does refer to me as Tony the Tiger, so both are accurate,' he said, smiling, pulling up outside the all night pizza takeaway booth.

Pepper smiled. 'You do make me laugh,' she said.

Tony kissed her softly. 'That is my intention,' he replied.

* * *

When they got back to the mansion, Natasha and Clint were working up an appetite by training in the mansion's massive basement training gyms. Well, they called it training, Tony called it paintball.

Pepper snuggled up to Tony when they got to the living room and collapsed on the sofas, cracking open the pizza boxes and stuffing their faces. Thor and Clint in particular, who seemed to be having a 'who can fit the most amount of food in your mouth' contest. The large window turned black, blocking out the moonlight and turning into a massive indoor cinema with large surround sound speakers playing the movie. Steve seemed fascinated by the whole thing and stared in wonder at the actors playing the aliens.

'Wow, those aliens look so real!' he said.

Six pairs of eyes questioned his sanity. 'Are you serious?' Clint said. 'CGI has got _immense _over the last couple of years, have you never seen _Paul? _They don't need cosmetics to create aliens nowadays.'

'Why is Will Smith married?' Natasha lamented with a sigh. 'I would not have a problem with him zapping me.'

Steve frowned. 'But then you wouldn't remember him,' he pointed out.

'That was a euphemism,' Tony said in a bored tone. 'I have been trying to teach you those.'

Steve flushed pink. 'Ah,' he said, and promptly shut up.

Throughout the movie, Pepper noticed Clint was writing stuff down on a pad of paper and when the movie was over she brought it up.

'Oh this?' Clint said. 'Well it's two things. One is a Men in Black drinking game _(there were numerous cheers at this) _and the other is a Men in Black paintball game. I call it "Galaxy Defenders".'

'There are not enough words to describe how amazing that sounds,' Bruce said, grinning from ear to ear.

'Wait, what's paintball?' Steve asked.

They stared at him in shock and Steve shrugged. 'I was frozen for 70 years!' he protested. 'It must be something I missed.'

'I too am unsure as to what this "paintball" means,' Thor said, frowning. 'Is that another uwepanini?'

'_Euphemism_,' Tony corrected him. 'And no it's not, well it could be, but it doesn't sound like much fun, not for the men anyway.'

'Paintball is where you run around with a gun that shoots balls of paint,' Pepper explained. 'It's usually a team game.'

'We're doing it,' Natasha said, standing up. 'JARVIS, reset the paintball arena.'

'_Already done, Agent Romanoff,' _JARVIS replied.

'Let's do this,' Bruce said, heading down to the gym, singing something along the lines of _'the best looking crime fighters since myself in part one.'_

'So, how do you play it?' Tony asked as they headed down the stairs.

'It's simple,' Clint said. 'Two teams, it'll be uneven but that'll just make it harder, aliens and MIB agents, we have to be referred to by our MIB names or we lose a point, same for the aliens, they need to have alien names from the movie. If you shoot a member of the opposing team you get a point, if you don't refer to each other by your names you lose a point. It ends when a side has been eliminated.'

Tony frowned. 'That sounds like a sex game,' he said.

Clint nodded unabashed. 'That's what I designed it to be to start with,' he admitted.

'MIB names?' Steve asked. 'What are they?'

'Just the first letter of your first name with "Agent" in front of it. You'd be Agent S.'

'That means they'll be two "Agent T's",' Pepper pointed out.

'I thought of that,' Clint said. 'Thor can be Agent O, for "Odinson," if we did it with "Stark" there'd be two Agents S's.'

The team pulled on their paintball protective suits and goggles. 'I never thought I'd be doing this on a Wednesday night,' Pepper said to Tony, grinning from ear to ear.

'We have some pretty wild nights,' Tony admitted, kissing her.

'Okay, I've put our names in Natasha's shoe,' Clint said. 'The first four I pull out are the aliens, to make it harder for the MIB agents.'

Eyes zeroed in on Natasha, who was balancing perfectly steadily on only one foot, arms crossed with a 'devil-may-care' expression on her face.

'Okay, so aliens are… Tony, Natasha, Bruce and Pepper,' Clint said. 'Which makes the rest of us the MIB agents. I'm Agent C, Thor, you're Agent O and Steve, Agent S.'

'This is going to be awesome,' Tony said, dragging Pepper to the designated 'Alien' zone of the arena.

'Okay, part of the rules is you have to have alien names from the movie which you have to refer to each other, otherwise everyone gets to shoot you,' Clint said, grinning.

'Bagsy Serleena!' Natasha said, flicking her hair.

'I'm being Frank!' Tony announced.

'The pug?' Pepper asked.

Tony shrugged. 'He's cute! I like him!'

'I'm being Jeebs,' Bruce said grinning.

'Then I'll be… Scrad, the two-headed alien guy,' Pepper said.

'This is going to be so much fun,' Natasha said, firing up her paintball gun and aiming it at Clint's crotch.

'Hey! No below-the-belt!' Clint protested.

'Sorry, Clint,' Natasha said. 'Us aliens fight dirty.'

'Okay, let's do this,' Bruce said.

'_3, 2, 1, game on,' _JARVIS said.

'Game on? Where did you get that from?' Tony asked, puzzled.

'_Johnny Storm, sir.'_

Natasha shrugged. 'Makes sense,' she said. Then released the trigger and narrowly missed Clint's crotch, who jumped out the way just in time.

'Take it!' Tony said, firing his gun and aiming for Steve's head. Steve ducked and sent a round towards Tony, who jumped and the paint splattered harmlessly against the wall.

Pepper and Natasha had teamed up and were trying to take Thor down, who was having difficulty shooting both of them at the same time. 'I have fought foes deadlier than you, SHIELD,' he bellowed.

Tony's eyebrows shot up. 'Deadlier than Serleena? Are you sure?'

Thor paused and Natasha owned him in the face with a blue paintball, then high-fived Pepper and went after Clint.

Tony was trying to get Steve, who had cottoned on to his plan and were currently engaged in a vicious paintball battle. Tony seemed desperate to shoot his hair while Steve was trying to get his goatee.

Clint managed to shoot Natasha in the leg, who was then in turn shot by Pepper. Clint and Natasha walked off pouting.

Steve swallowed, suddenly Hydra didn't seem so scary when faced with Tony, Bruce and Pepper who all had murder in their eyes.

Steve ducked as Pepper sent a ball his way and managed to hit her in the arm. Pepper stalked off and sat with Natasha and Clint as Bruce tried to shoot Steve in the arse. He missed however and (while ducking from fire from Tony) Steve managed to shoot Bruce in the hand, then it was Tony and Steve facing it off.

'Come on Frank!' Pepper yelled at the same time Thor went 'Go Agent S!'

'Makes sense,' Bruce said. 'Out of all of us those two are used to dodging fire the most.'

Natasha had pulled out her phone and was filming the epic battle as the two dodged and shot paint at each other.

'GET MAD!' Bruce yelled at Tony.

'You shoot like Howard,' Steve said. 'For someone who made them he couldn't shoot a gun to save his life.'

'Oh dear,' Natasha said quietly.

Tony ducked under Steve's volley of paint, did a forward roll and shot him straight in the crotch. 'Does that count as getting mad?' he asked Bruce.

Bruce nodded. 'Yep, that'll do.'

Natasha stopped filming and uploaded the video to YouTube with the caption, 'Your average Avengers' night in.'

'Sorry, Steve,' Tony said. 'But you deserved it.'

'Guess I did,' Steve said, standing up from where he'd been curled in a ball on the floor. 'My bad.'

'Oh wow, that video already has over 100 hits in 2 seconds,' Natasha said.

'Another game?' Clint said. 'I refuse to let Tony beat me at go-karts and paintball.'

Tony laughed manically. 'You're on,' he said.

* * *

_Please review!_


	6. Dinner Dilemmas

_I don't know why I wrote this. Steve just has a lot of awkward questions okay? _

_Please review!_

* * *

'So, what are tampons?' Steve asked casually.

Tony put a hand over his mouth to stop him coughing his dinner all over the table, Bruce went pale and shoved loads of pasta in his mouth to avoid answering the question and Clint being very interested in becoming a master at twirling spaghetti. Natasha finished her glass of wine and reached for the bottle and Thor scratched his head and also looked perplexed.

'I have never heard of these things you call "tampons",' he said.

'Steve, that's not something you bring up when you're trying to eat dinner,' Tony said, pointing his fork at him.

'Why? What are they?' Steve said confused.

'Didn't they have tampons in the 1940's?' Clint asked Natasha.

'Why are you asking me? I'm not an expert,' she said defiantly.

'You still know more than the rest of us,' Bruce pointed out. 'Not that we're interested or anything.

Steve frowned. 'Are they some kind of weapon?' he asked, perplexed.

Natasha smirked. 'You could say that.'

'Are we really about to have a discussion about tampons while I'm trying to eat my tea?' Bruce asked, looking worried.

'Can't you just ask JARVIS?' Clint said.

'JARVIS is down at the moment,' Tony said wrinkling his nose. 'He's long overdue some upgrades.'

'Computer?' Clint pointed out.

'Every time I try to use it, the screen goes blue,' Steve said, sighing.

Tony pulled his laptop out and googled 'tampons,' then shoved it over to Steve and Thor. 'Just use the arrow keys to go up and down,' he said. 'You can't really go wrong with them.'

'It's the packaging I disagree to,' Natasha said. 'There's nothing girly and pretty about them. There should be pictures of dinosaurs eating people on the boxes.'

'Certainly fits the mood,' Tony pointed out, unable to hold that comment in, expecting an earful or a glare. What he didn't expect was for Natasha to laugh, it was actually scarier than a glare.

The Avengers spared a glance at Steve, who'd gone bright pink and hurriedly closed the laptop lid, shoving it away from him.

'Okay, got it,' he said. 'I can see why you guys didn't want to tell me now.'

Thor was looking confused. 'How do you pull it out?' he asked.

Tony stood up very quickly. 'I'm gonna go fix JARVIS,' he said, taking his pasta with him.

Clint and Bruce stood up too. 'I'm gonna help,' Bruce said.

'And I'm gonna fire some arrows,' Clint said.

The three men disappeared from the room very quickly leaving Natasha with Steve and Thor. 'It's attached to a string,' she said. Then walked out, following the other three down into Tony's workshop.

* * *

_Please review!_


	7. Avengers Assemble

_I'm procrastinating from writing an essay on care for a patient and wrote this instead, much more fun. If only I could write essays as fast as I can bang these out :P Warning: Slight whump but no death, I could never kill any of them, they're my babies :)_

_Please review!_

* * *

The sudden alarm jolted Clint awake and he banged his elbow against his dresser. 'Great start to the day,' he muttered. 'The one day I get a lie-in.'

'_DoomBots in New York. Repeat, DoomBots in New York. Avengers Assemble.'_

Despite the ruined lie-in, Clint chuckled. Steve had been dying to say 'Avengers Assemble' since he'd been elected as team leader. The DoomBots didn't sound so friendly though.

Clint clambered out of bed and pulled his uniform on, sliding his various weapons into their various holsters and attaching his bow and arrows to his back, running out into the hallway and nearly running into Tony, who was coming out of his room.

'The one day we get to stay in bed and this happens,' Tony said as they ran to the assembly point to get Tony's suit.

'I think Doom knew about it,' Clint said. 'He's obviously decided that ruining our lie-ins is better than killing us.'

The Iron Man suit clicked into place around Tony's body and Clint jumped on his back as Tony flew them through SHIELD's corridors, sending agents flying, to the Quinjets holding bay, which had been decided as their designated: 'If shit happens, come here,' area.

Thor, Steve, Bruce and Natasha were already there. Natasha pulling a brush through her hair while Coulson filled them in.

'DoomBots were spotted in central park 2 minutes ago,' he said. 'Agents have been unable to stop them. In Director Fury's very precise words "get your asses down there".'

'Yes sir,' Bruce muttered, as they all piled into the Quinjets, Natasha taking the wheel.

By the time they got there, destruction was everywhere and lots of New Yorkers would be calling their car insurance providers.

They all clambered out the jet and Natasha turned to Bruce. 'If we're about to get our asses kicked, come in,' she said. 'You got your shocker?'

Bruce nodded and held up the pen-like device Tony had cobbled together for him. It sent a shock through his brain that would, in theory, release the Hulk without hurting him too much. Only problem was, it hadn't been tested yet. But Tony's gadgets usually worked.

'Okay, let's do this,' Steve said, and the Avengers rushed into action.

'One, two, three,' Tony said as he powered up his repulsors and sent blast after blast into the advancing robots.

'Ten, eleven, twelve,' Thor said next to him, pulverising the bots with his hammer.

'Oh it's on,' Tony said, bringing down six with one powerful blast.

An gas-canister-tipped-arrow whistled past his head and embed itself in a bot's chest, also taking out two around it. But more were sweeping in from the sky.

'Where are these things coming from?' Thor asked, surprised.

'They look like vultures,' Natasha's voice came through the comm link in his helmet.

'Pleasant imagery, thanks for that Tasha,' Tony said. But she was right, more had come and soon the sky was think with hundreds of them, blocking out the sun.

'Doom has been busy,' Clint said. 'Anyone got a plan?'

'Yep,' Tony said. Natasha was relieved to hear this, though she didn't say so, cause she sure as hell didn't have any ideas.

'One good EMP surge should frazzle their circuits in one go,' Tony said.

'Won't that also take our your suit?' Clint asked.

'I can program it to avoid the suit,' Tony said. 'Anything electronic within a two mile radius will go down, I may frazzle a few computers.'

'I'm sure you'll be forgiven,' Natasha said. 'Now do it so I can go back to bed.'

'JARVIS, fire up the EMP, target anything electronic but avoid the suit.'

'_Programming targets.' _JARVIS replied, the only one not sounding phased by the situation.

'I wonder if there's any biscuits in the cupboard?' Natasha said, only slightly off topic.

'I think Clint polished them off,' Bruce replied, watching from the live feed in Tony's helmet back in the jet.

'Sorry!' Clint said.

'I think on the way back we should pick some… urk!'

'Pick some urk?' Tony looked down to where Natasha had been a second ago. 'What the hell does that mean?'

Tony looked just in time to see a DoomBot grab Natasha from behind and slam her head into a cold, unforgiving brick wall.

'TASHA!' Clint shouted.

'Tasha! NATASHA!' Tony yelled, panicked as the bot picked her lifeless form up and closed its metal fingers around her neck.

'It's going to break her neck! Tony! EMP now!'

'_I have not yet isolated the targets,' _JARVIS warned. _'The suit will not take it.'_

'FIRE THE DAMN PULSE JARVIS!' Tony shouted, as the bot squeezed.

'_Firing EMP,' _JARVIS said quietly.

Tony closed his eyes and his body exploded in pain. He felt himself falling towards the ground and everything went black.

Clint saw the pulse explode from the suit, taking out all the bots in one blow. Then Tony dropped through the air and Clint swore.

'HULK HANDLE THIS, HAWKEYE GET NATASHA,' Hulk roared bursting out of the Quinjet and racing towards the falling suit.

Clint raced towards Natasha and lifted her lifeless body up from the ground, her head lolled back in his arms and Clint panicked.

'Natasha?' he said, quietly.

Natasha said nothing, she simply lay limp in his arms, a large red gash marking her still face. Blood seeped into Clint's uniform and he felt tears prick his eyelids.

He blinked them away and pressed his fingers against Natasha's throat, ignoring the red fingerprints from the bot that were already beginning to bruise. A steady pulse throbbed through Natasha's skin and Clint felt tears of joy escape his eyes.

Natasha stirred. 'Are you crying?' she said quietly, her eyes opening a fraction.

'No,' Clint said defiantly.

'Liar,' Natasha said. 'Help me sit up.'

Clint propped Natasha up against the wall and turned back to his other teammates who were running towards him, Hulk holding Tony in his arms, the suit sparking and covered in dents and wires that would probably take Tony days to repair.

'Is he okay?' Natasha said, trying to get to him, but the pain in her head was too much and she fell back against the wall.

'Get his helmet off!' Steve ordered as Hulk laid Tony gently on the ground, and Thor pushed his fingers into the catches at the side, prying it off.

Tony's head dropped back onto the grass, one side of his face covered in an angry red burn.

'The Arc, it's not on!' Clint said, panicking as he noticed the lack of a light in Tony's chest.

Natasha shook the fog and pain from her head and mentally stored them away. There'd be a time for pain later. She crawled her way over to Tony and dug her fingertips into the emergency release catches in the chest plate, prying it off him and ripping the Arc out of his chest.

'What are you doing?' Steve said, shocked, as Natasha handed the Arc to Thor.

'Charge it,' she ordered. 'Zap it with Mjolnir.'

Thor laid the Arc on the ground and raised the hammer into the air, collecting the static and electricity from the air and sending it directly into the Arc, which sparked and went back to a reassuring blue.

Natasha grabbed the Arc and shoved it firmly back into Tony's chest. Tony flew a good two feet into the air and slammed back into the ground, eyes flying open and gasping for breath.

'Ow,' he said, closing his eyes again, scrunching them shut.

'How do you feel?' Steve asked.

'Burnt,' Tony said.

'Come on, let's get back to base,' Thor said, pulling Tony to his feet, allowing him to lean heavily on him and picking up the ruined chest plate.

Once they were all back in the jet, Tony leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes and Natasha squeezed his hand.

'Hey,' she said softly so the others couldn't hear.

Tony opened his eyes and looked at her. Clint had put a temporary bandage over her head and he was surprised at how soft her expression was.

'Thank you for saving me,' she said.

Tony smiled. 'Any time, Natashalie.'

* * *

_Please review! Next chapter will be funnier :)_


	8. Drive By

_Wrote this one while on holiday :) And my netbook doesn't have spell check so all mistakes are mine, all mine, and no you can't have any._

_Please review! :)_

* * *

'Aaaaah!' Steve screamed, clutching onto the sides of the seat in terror.

'Seriously?' Tony said, swerving to avoid another car and then taking a corner at a particularly sharp angle. 'You're Captain America, you've jumped onto moving trains and thrown yourself over an explosion and you're scared of a little car chase?'

'The war was like a hoarde of angry kittens compared to your driving,' Steve said, trying to control his breathing.

_'Guys! Hurry up, my legs are starting to ache!' _Natasha's voice came through the radio.

'Nearly there, Tasha!' Tony said. 'How many agents do you have on your tail?'

_'3.'_

'Okay, this is going to have to be quick,' Tony said, racing up a one way street the wrong way, 2 A.I.M vans behind him and Steve turning green and praying under his breath.

'How much did this car cost?' Steve asked.

Tony chuckled.

* * *

Natasha was getting fed up. She thought her reputation as the most 'kick-ass female spy' (otherwise known as 'Black Widow') was pretty well known across the globe, but she was still being picked on as the weakest member of the team by the baddies. She snorted. Even the legendary God of Biceps was too scared of her even to challenge her to a wrestling match.

Natasha tore through the streets of New York, wishing she hadn't chosen today to wear her new high heels, amazing though they looked on her.

She ducked, narrowly missing a) clocking an in-the-way pedestrian and b) the bullet aimed for her head from the A.I.M agents behind her.

'I am so going to get blisters,' Natasha muttered.

_'You look good in those heels though,' _Clint informed her over the radio where he was being chased by A.I.M agents only a few blocks away.

'Shut up, Clint.'

_'Yes, Tasha.'_

Tony Stark's car was heard before it was seen, causing several pedestrians to jump out of the way and even more to pull out their cameras.

The car skidded to a halt in front of her, rubber on tarmac making a very interesting noise.

Natasha threw herself in and Tony revved the engine and zoomed away before the A.I.M agents even knew what was happening.

'Okay, Clint, buddy you're next,' Tony said.

_'Good! I'm on 29th street,'_ Clint replied.

'Be there in a sec.'

'SHIELD, this is Agent Romanoff, requesting back-up, currently en-route to 29th street persued by 2 A.I.M vans,' Natasha said.

_'Got it, I'm sending a SHIELD copter after you now,' _Fury responded.

_'Those A.I.M vans still following you?' _Clint asked.

Natasha peered out the back window and pulled out her gun, rolling down the window and preparing to fire.

'Not for much longer,' she told him.

* * *

Clint was missing the reassuring feel of his bow in his hand, if he had it he wouldnt have already dealt with the pesky agents following him without breaking a sweat.

'I kind of wish Bruce was here,' Clint told the others. 'Hulk could have sorted out all of them and we could be sat in a cafe eating cake somewhere right now.'

_'I'm not sure SHIELD can afford any more damage bills,' _Natasha told him, in-between shooting the tires of the vans chasing them.

A poorly aimed bullet completely and totally missed Clint by a good few feet.

'You sucks suck at aiming!' Clint yelled over his shoulder.

_'That's right, antagonise the bad guys,' _Natasha said, sighing at her partner's immaturity.

The familiar _chug chug chug _of the SHIELD copter was heard over their heads and SHIELD agents slid down on ropes, crashing straight into the A.I.M agents chasing Clint.

Natasha then jumped out the car and roundhouse kicked them into next year.

'Cheers, guys,' Clint said, sliding into the back seat next to his team-mate and leaving SHIELD to deal with the two vans full of A.I.M (complete with busted tires), and the agents that had been chasing Clint and Natasha.

'So, just to be clear, we've successfully taken out two A.I.M vans and a couple of shite agents without the use of the team's muscles?' Tony said, pulling out leisurely into traffic.

'Yep,' Natasha said. 'Thor and Bruce are going to be annoyed they missed this one.'

'Are you okay, Steve?' Clint asked. 'You look a bit green. Not _Hulk g_reen, _I'm going to throw up _green.'

'I am never getting in a car with Tony ever again,' Steve informed them.

Tony chuckled.


	9. Domestic Avengers

_Just a little one-shot I wrote then decided to stick to this story :) Please review and I will give you all love and cookies of your choice._

* * *

Living with each other was something it took the Avengers a while to get used too. Clint had no particular hours in which he would go to sleep, and was often found in the kitchen by another Avenger who couldn't sleep at 3 in the morning, launching grapes into the air then taking them down with a perfectly aimed arrow.

In stark comparison, Natasha preferred to be asleep sometime before midnight, then would be up at the crack of dawn to train, normally with Clint if he hadn't passed out somewhere. It was decided, after Bruce nearly Hulk-ed out when he opened the fringe one morning and Clint fell off of it, that he was no longer allowed to sleep high up and had to be at least 3 feet to the ground at all times.

Bruce was more similar to Natasha, he preferred to be in bed before it got too dark then would be up around 9ish to work. Steve was the same, and would often join in Clint and Natasha's training sessions if he was up early enough. He wasn't able to sleep late, after all, the army had had to be up pretty early in the morning.

Thor was perfectly capable of staying up all night without becoming even the least bit sleepy. But out of courtesy to his fellow Avengers he did try to get to sleep around the time that they did, and was usually awake quite late.

Tony on the other hand was a completely different kettle of fish. He would work continuously all through the night and all through the day without showering, changing his clothes, sleeping or eating. It wasn't an uncommon sight to see Pepper dragging him up the stairs, exhausted, to get him in bed. Tony didn't seem to be even remotely bothered about how much he stank when he'd been working for three days straight, and Pepper would often have to take extreme measures. On one occasion, it wasn't until the Avengers heard the shriek coming from downstairs that they realised Pepper hadn't been joking about emptying a bucket of cold water over her boyfriend's head in an attempt to get him to shower.

**XxXxXxX**

Food was another problem. When they first moved into Stark Tower, Thor didn't grasp the concept of 'supermarkets' and would take it upon himself to eat every single item of food in the kitchen to prevent it from going to waste.

Tony was perfectly happy to just snack on whatever was going, usually chocolate or crisps or pizza. Natasha would fix herself a salad and Steve would make himself a sandwich. Clint and Bruce were similar to Tony and went for the sweet stuff first before they tried the healthy approach. Bruce did usually at least think about having something healthy first, but then he would see the massive bag of crisps and would chow down on them instead.

More than often, the 6 of them would order industrial quantities of pizza if they were too tired to fix food together after a mission and would end up curled on the floor in a sleeping (and snoring) pile by the morning, in which case Pepper would have to manoeuvre her way over them to get to the coffee maker.

**XxXxXxX**

It became very clear to all of the Avengers very quickly that Tony was completely head over heels in love with Pepper and was always with her if he could be. For her part, Pepper loved nothing more than lounging next to him on the sofa or curling up and watching a film with him if the others had gone out somewhere. On more than one occasion, they were found curled like cats around each other on the sofa, fast asleep. Natasha quickly realised that the professional Pepper she had first met was nothing to this playful Pepper when she was around Tony.

The first time all of them met Pepper was after the Chitauri battle. She was waiting for them at the tower when they arrived, accepting Tony's offer to let them crash out there. Steve looked astonished that Tony had a 'significant other' as he put it, and Pepper simply marched up to Tony, grabbed hold of his shirt and dragged him off somewhere. They were later found up on the roof chatting and sharing a bottle of wine.

Steve suspected that Tony brought out the best, and worst, in her. Thor thought it was sweet, and after watching 'What's My Number' (in which every member of the team decided that Colin sounded and looked exactly like Steve) proclaimed that Ally was right and 'being in love meant being yourself.' When Tony heard this he had no idea what they were talking about, as he'd fallen asleep towards the end of the film, but Pepper had smiled and hugged her bemused looking boyfriend.

The others were slightly concerned over Thor's love of chic flicks, especially after watching 'Mean Girls', where he did nothing but quote the movie for the rest of the month. ('Thor! You have got to stop putting flammable liquids in my microwave!' 'Boo, you whore!')

Pepper and Tony began an experiment to try to figure out if Clint and Natasha were secretly a married couple or something. They spent nearly all their time together and were often found sat up on the roof eating pizza and staring into space. Steve told them to stop spying on their teammates but Bruce took it a lot more seriously and joined in, keeping a tally chart every time he saw the two of them together.

Pepper was convinced they were, and when asked why she simply said it was her 'woman's intuition' and she knew about these kinds of things. Tony just thought it was creepy how he often caught Clint sneaking out of Natasha's room early in the morning.

**XxXxXxX**

Once they'd gotten over the sleep, food, and Pepper factor, the team got on reasonably well. They still bickered and pulled pranks on each other, and occasionally blew up various kitchen appliances, but on the whole they worked well together and would come down on the press like a ton of bricks if they started picking on either the team as a whole or a particular teammate, which would quickly make the press back off.

When Pepper started taking heat from Stark Industries after the battle, Natasha and Thor came into one of the board meetings with her. Thor sat in the corner wiping Mjolnir with a cloth in full battle armour and Natasha cleaned out her fingernails with one of her throwing daggers, glaring at all of them. The icing on the cake was when nearly the whole building heard Tony Stark yelling at all of the board members, no-one could make out what he was saying but his meaning came across fine: 'leave Pepper alone.'

The board left Pepper alone after that and the team had a celebratory picnic while sat on the top of the Statue of Liberty, Pepper included.

**XxXxXxX**

One early Saturday morning, LMFAO's 'I'm sexy and I know it' came over the PA system very loudly, blasted everyone out of their beds. Eventually, they discovered Steve in the living room watching one of the many music hits channels, having nudged the PA button on the table with his foot.

The Avengers were _not _impressed and Steve was made to do a run to the store to get bacon to make up for it.

Pepper thought it was hilarious and Tony set Steve's ringtone to 'I'm sexy and I know it' to humour her.

Steve didn't find that so hilarious.

Pepper did, so Tony didn't care.

* * *

_Please please PLEASE review! And send me prompts :)_


	10. Cold Callers

_This was a plot bunny gnawing at my brain after I saw a friend's post of Facebook who did exactly the same thing. _

_Thank you so much to everyone who's sent me prompts! I am working my way through them :D I don't know if 'Cold Callers' is a British term, in case it is, Pepper explains it, I'm sure you'll understand :)_

_Please please PLEASE review! And keep the prompts coming :)_

* * *

It was a lazy evening at the tower, the team was recovering from two mutant snakes attempting to rob the national bank a few hours earlier and weren't doing a lot of talking. Tony was lying on the sofa, half asleep, his head resting on Pepper's lap as she went through her emails. Clint had fallen asleep in an armchair and was snoring softly. Natasha was cleaning her throwing knives and Steve was polishing his shield. Thor was sat on the floor by the fire with Bruce, who was trying to explain to him the process which had caused him to turn into the Hulk after he kept asking every five seconds.

The ring of the telephone woke them all up. Clint sat bolt upright and immediately went to notch an arrow, not realising his bow and quiver were on the ground beside him, instead he just ended up looking a bit daft. JARVIS was currently installing some much needed upgrades, so some of his non-important systems were down, including the phone. Tony sleepily called up a visual screen in front of him, frowning when the number came up as 'international.'

'Cold caller?' Pepper asked, frowning. 'I thought we didn't get those?'

'They always find a way around it,' Tony said, sighing. Then a wicked glint came into his eyes and he answered the phone.

'You're through to the Stark Industries Gender Reassignment Clinic, how may I direct your call?' Tony said, enunciating clearly while Pepper, Clint and Bruce shoved their hands over their mouths to prevent themselves from bursting out into laughter. Natasha simply rolled her eyes but was smirking anyway, and Steve and Thor had no idea what was going on.

Tony put the phone onto speaker so they could all hear whoever it was waffling on and on in a broad Indian accent about how they could have been mis-sold loan insurance and how important it was they sign up to their company in order to ensure that they weren't being swindled by anyone.

Steve looked at Tony with a quizzical expression on his face, clearly thinking that this was something important, to his out of date ears it certainly sounded pretty important. Tony shrugged at him and flicked through the pages of that month's edition of _Top Gear _that he'd left on the sofa_, _un-interested while the man on the phone carried on talking. Pepper whispered something in his ear and he grinned wickedly.

The man on the phone finished his speech and Tony said clearly: 'So were you interested in having the operation to become a woman? We're currently having a sale on DD cup sizes.'

There was a pause. And then: _'I'm sorry… operation?'_

'I'll get Richard for you,' Tony said, and Pepper leant over him and said, politely, as girly as she could manage:

'Good afternoon, this is Richard speaking, how may I help you?'

'_You're called Richard?!'_

'That is correct, I had a gender reassignment operation to become a woman a few months ago, now how may I help you?' Pepper asked, politely.

Tony buried his face in his sleeve to stop himself laughing and Clint and Bruce looked like they were about to explode, even Natasha had a hand over her mouth to prevent giggles. Thor and Steve were still looking very confused.

'_Um… I'm sorry I think I may have the wrong number…' _the man on the phone said.

'Oh don't worry, a lot of people are nervous,' Pepper said, calmly. a smug grin on her face. 'Now what operation were you thinking of having done?'

'_Um… I better go…' _the man said, and hung up.

Bruce and Clint exploded into laughter and Pepper high-fived her boyfriend, Natasha giggling on the sofa.

'I think they _might _think twice before calling here again,' Bruce said, once he was able to breath again.

'I don't understand…' Thor said slowly, with the tone of one who doesn't want the universe to end.

'It was a cold caller,' Pepper explained. 'Someone who phones up trying to offer you payment protection insurance or a better loan deal when really all they're going to do is charge you a lot of money and not do anything.'

'I freaking love you,' Tony said, once the laughter had subsided slightly.

Pepper grinned.

'So… they're bad?' Steve said.

'Yes,' Pepper said. 'They're bad, and shouldn't be listened too.'

'Well now that we're all awake how about some pizza?' Natasha said. 'I'm starving.'

'I'll have Pepperoni, please Tasha,' Tony said, smirking.

Pepper whacked him.

* * *

_Please review! And if anyway didn't understand Pepper's explanation send me a message :) Love to you all!_


	11. Clintasha

_I've been asked to write some angst because apparently things are too fluffy. But I like fluffy! It's like marshmallows :) Anyway, this starts angst, then gets better at the end, because I like writing happy stuff :) This is a kind of 'back to the past' short chapter inspired by a picture I saw on Tumblr, if I find it again I will link you to it._

_THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR PROMPTS! I love them and am currently working my way through them all, keep 'em coming!_

_And please review you lovely people, marshmallows for all of you._

* * *

The air was hot and steaming, and Natasha could feel her breath burning her throat as she crawled through the ventilation shaft, desperate to find clean, cool air. The metal was hot under her skin and she could feel blisters forming on her hands.

'Clint,' she rasped into her mic. _'Clint.'_

The static that followed made Natasha's heart pound and she increased her pace, the heat from the metal seeping through her uniform and onto her skin, burning her and making her cry out. She could feel the soles of her shoes melting onto the shaft behind her and she crawled faster, breathing quicker, the air burning her lungs.

'_Clint,' _she gasped into her mice. 'Clint, _please. _I'm stuck in the air vent, I need help.'

No reassuring response came back and Natasha collapsed, gasping for air. She tried to breath but the oxygen was gone, replaced by burning heat that seared her skin and burnt her lungs.

The flames behind her licked at her shoes and Natasha tried to crawl forwards using her elbows to propel herself, but with no air left to breathe she only managed a few feet before her body refused to go any further. Starved of oxygen, the last thing she was aware of was a 'ffzzzzt' noise and the smell of burning hair before her vision went black and she passed out.

**XxXxXxX**

'… lucky to be alive, second degree burns, mainly to the scalp, knees and hands, Agent Barton pulled her out and is refusing to leave until she wakes up.'

_Agent Barton?_

_Clint?_

Natasha opened one eye a fraction and surveyed her surroundings. There were three doctors (she hoped they were doctors, they were wearing white lab coats anyway) at the foot of her bed, flicking through what she guessed was her chart. She looked down at her arms and was greeted by thick white bandages, covering almost every patch of skin, hands especially.

Then she noticed Clint was curled up in the chair next to her bed, fast asleep and snoring softly.

'Okay, we'll check back on her in an hour, she should be waking up soon,' one of the doctors as they all piled out of her room, closing the door.

Natasha opened her eyes fully and looked at Clint, damage assessing him. He had a bandage over his scalp, and a few on his arms, but other than that he didn't look too banged up.

'Clint,' Natasha said softly.

Clint's eyes flew open and he jumped up in his seat. 'I didn't eat all your ice cream, Tasha, it was Coulson,' he blurted out.

Natasha raised her eyebrows quizzically at him, or tried too, then realised something was wrong. She raised her hand to feel her face and Clint caught it.

'Tasha,' he said quietly. 'Maybe you should give it a second.'

'Give what a second?' Natasha asked, her throat aching.

Clint swallowed and Natasha felt her heart drop. When Clint was upset, there was something wrong.

'You were burnt quite badly,' Clint said. 'And… well… you know how fast hair burns…'

Natasha stared at Clint who took hold of her burnt hands, looked her straight in the eyes and said, 'you're still beautiful,' in his _I'm being deadly serious _face and tone. It was then that Natasha understood why he was being so sympathetic.

'It's not just my eyebrows I lost, is it?' Natasha said.

Wordlessly, Clint handed her a mirror, keeping one hand squeezed tightly around hers.

Natasha took a deep breath and held the mirror up to her face. Her eyebrows had gone completely, and her face was red with burns. Her hair… her poor hair. Parts of it had been burnt off completely, half the side of her head had hair that still hung down her back, the other half had hair that stopped just below her ears. She had bald patches on random parts of her head where the hair had been burnt away completely and by the looks of it she'd lost a few eyelashes as well. Natasha stared at her reflection, she'd never been a vain person per say, she knew that she was pretty, and her looks had helped her to get into many places where a simple access card wouldn't, but she was proud of her features, they reminded her of her mother, or the photos she had left of her anyway. Her despair must have been written clear on her face because her partner was quick to reassure her.

'Hey, listen,' Clint said, sitting on the edge of her bed, keeping hold of her hands. 'Hair grows incredibly quickly, your eyebrows will be totally back by the end of the week, I got you this cute hat to wear if you feel self-conscious which you shouldn't because you're still a stunner, I bought you more ice cream to replace the one that I just blamed Coulson for eating and tonight we're having a movie night, in this room, with popcorn.'

Natasha smiled softly at him. 'Clint,' she said. 'Thank you.'

'For what?' Clint asked, puzzled.

'For being you, now get over here and get in with me, you can't sleep in that chair all night.' Natasha said.

Clint crawled under the sheets and Natasha curled up into his chest, minding their burns.

'How did you find me?' she asked.

'I went back in to get you when I realised you hadn't got out, the comm stopped working though so I had to run up four floors of burning building before I heard you banging around in the vent,' Clint said. 'I climbed in and pulled you out, I was too late to save your hair though.'

'Hair grows back,' Natasha said, closing her eyes.

'Hey, Tasha?' Clint said.

'Yes Clint?' Natasha said, on the verge of falling asleep.

'I'm glad you're okay.'

Natasha didn't hear him as she was fast asleep, but she felt something that may have been a kiss on her forehead.

_I'll tease him about that one tomorrow._

**XxXxXxX**

When SHIELD Agent Natasha Romanoff reported to Director Fury a month later after being given the all clear by the doctors, no-one commented on her new hairstyle. Short, choppy, curly hair that hung just above her shoulders in rich red waves. No-one except Clint that is, who winked at her and told her she looked stunning. Natasha grinned at him and sauntered off down the corridor, one hand resting on her hip and swaying them as much as possible.

She could still hear Clint chuckling as she walked on the bridge.

That night, when Clint clambered into her bed with a selection of films including _Jurassic Park _and _Men in Black _(obviously she chose _Men in Black, _Clint wasn't surprised, Natasha was a closet MIB fan) he traced her short red locks with his fingers and grinned at her.

'I meant it, you know,' he said. 'You do look absolutely amazing.'

'And don't I know it,' Natasha said, returning the wink he'd gave her earlier.

* * *

_Please review! :) Love you all :)_


	12. Drastic Measures 1

_What-up peeps! This is a prompt from where the wind blows, who wanted to see the team getting Tony to eat, sleep, and shower when Pepper was away. This'll be the first in a mini series called 'Drastic Measures', in no particular order :)_

_Enjoy! And then please review, I love you all :)_

* * *

'Tony! You done with my gloves yet?' Natasha asked, tapping a foot on the floor in front of him. Bruce waved at her from one corner of the lab and Tony flapped a glove in her face.

'Nearly,' he said. 'Most of the wires snapped when you got flipped by the Chitauri, I'm reconnecting them now.'

Natasha wrinkled her nose at him. 'When was the last time you showered?' she asked. 'And are those the clothes you were wearing on Monday?'

Tony frowned. 'I thought it still was Monday?' he asked, puzzled.

'It's Wednesday,' Bruce told him. 'I keep telling you this.'

Tony pulled a face at him and went back to unpicking Natasha's tiny black taser gloves.

'When was the last time you slept?' Steve asked, who had come in with Natasha, having not actually seen this famed lab everyone kept complaining about, mainly because of the explosions they kept hearing.

'Dunno, don't touch that!' Tony yelped, seeing Steve about to pick up a vial. 'That's sulphuric acid, it'll burn your skin.'

Steve hurriedly stepped away from it and Natasha sighed. 'Everytime Pepper goes on a business trip you turn into the creepy mole guy from _Atlantis._ Get your ass up those steps and into the shower.'

Tony glared at her. 'I do _not _turn into the mole guy, and you were pestering me to finish your gloves a minute ago! Five more minutes and I'll be done.'

Natasha settled herself on the sofa and picked up one of Tony's _Top Gear _magazines, flipping through it nonchalantly.

Steve was watching over Tony's shoulder as he carefully untangled the delicate wires in Natasha's gloves and gently fused them back together with the soldering iron.

'There, all done,' Tony said, flinging the glove at Natasha who caught it one handed without looking and pulled it on, turning it on. The glove glowed blue, a brighter blue then she was used too. Natasha looked at Tony quizzically, and he shrugged.

'I upped the setting slightly,' he admitted. 'It's more powerful now, not enough to kill though.'

'Shame,' Natasha said, and pointed it at him. 'Upstairs, shower,' she told him, her tone clearly saying _right the fuck now._

'Why?' Tony said, tapping absentmindedly at a computer screen and frowning at whatever it was projecting; to Steve, it just looked like a lot of squiggly lines.

'Because you smell,' Natasha informed him frankly. 'And because I promised Pepper I'd stop you from turning into the mole guy.'

'Will you stop comparing me to the mole guy!' Tony said indignantly. 'We are nothing alike, he's French to start with.'

'You're fluent in French aren't you?' Natasha said, cocking an eyebrow at him. 'If you were talking French right now, the resemblance would be uncanny.'

Tony glared at her and Natasha aimed the glove at his crotch.

'Hey! No below-the-belt!' Tony protested.

Natasha winked at him, it wasn't a nice wink.

'Fine,' Tony grumbled, standing up. 'I'll go shower, you're welcome by the way,' he said as he exited the lab.

Natasha smirked and Steve stared. 'How the hell did you do that?' he asked, shocked.

Natasha shrugged. 'I'm amazing, young grasshopper,' she said. 'Plus, in some ways Shellhead is exactly like Barton. Now I'm going to go put _Whose Line Is It Anyway? _on and bask in my victory.'

Steve frowned at Bruce once Natasha had left. 'Young grasshopper?' he asked, confused.

'From _Kung Fu,' _Bruce explained. 'It's a film, she meant it in a derogatory way.'

'Yeah I got that,' Steve said, sighing and trailing upstairs with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

* * *

_Please review! :)_


	13. Featuring Hawkeye!

_I updated! Yay! I had this idea in a lecture, although I don't actually pass notes, I use messages on my iPod to send funny pictures to my friend to distract her :)_

_For some silly reason, I decided it would be a good idea to draw pictures for this story, the pictures can be found on my blog here:_

_ catchonfirespontaneously. tumblr . post/33386920246/pictures-for-my-story-if-you-havent-read-it _

_(Only without the spaces and the whole http thing in front of it)_

_Please review! :)_

* * *

Clint didn't think he had ever been so bored in his life. Natasha looked like she was paying attention, but Clint knew her well enough to tell that she was beginning to fall asleep. Only Tony, Bruce and Pepper seemed to be actually paying attention, Clint just wanted the day to end so he could go home and sleep.

The five of them were in a lecture at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where quite possibly the most boring man Clint had ever met was presenting his designs for a new energy source that was, or so he believed anyway, more powerful then Stark Industries' Arc Reactor technology. The man's name was Boris Kendrick, and he was a wealthy businessman from Mississippi who had invited the two CEO's of Stark Industries in a attempt to publically humiliate them when they failed to turn up to the lecture, obviously to get bad press against Tony and Pepper: _'Stark Industries CEO's blow off Kendrick and his new revolutionary designs for clean energy.' 'Stand aside Tony Stark! There's a new sheriff in town.' _Something like that anyway. Except it had totally blown up in his face when Tony had informed his team that the entire thing was 'a clusterfuck waiting to happen' and had accepted his invitation. That night, 'clusterfuck' was pinned up on 'Steve's Word of The Day' board, which was basically just a wall where Steve stuck up words he hadn't heard before and found amusing.

Tony and Bruce were having a great time, asking Kendrick loads of questions about things Clint didn't understand, like energy output and geographical implications of something something something. Clint had given up trying to understand what the two scientists was saying, but he was enjoy the confused look on Kendrick's face as he tried to bluff his way through the answers. Next to her boyfriend, Pepper was smirking and trying not to burst into laughter at his antics. It was ridiculous how much Tony brought out the worst in her.

Bruce was there because Tony had pulled some strings to get him an invite, saying it could be good for a laugh. The two of them reminded Clint of the Big Bang Theory episode where Sheldon and Amy had gone to a talk by a man whose ideas they disagreed with and just wanted something to laugh at.

Strike Team Delta were currently undercover on a mission from SHIELD, who believed that Kendrick was getting his equipment and resources from a terrorist cell in Russia. Natasha was playing the part perfectly, sat up straight and attentive in her seat, even making the occasional note on her notepad. At least that's what Clint had first thought, then he'd taken a closer look and realised she was simply writing a shopping list where she had underlined the word _Ben and Jerry's _several times.

Clint on the other hand was bored and felt like he was losing his mind with all the science. He thought he was good at science, Tony had explained a few things to him and had even helped him mix up a more powerful cocktail for his explosive arrows. This however, was sailing straight over his head, waving goodbye as it did so.

'Clint, pay attention,' Natasha hissed at him, sending a elbow into his ribs.

Clint grunted and sat up straight rather than slouching in his chair. 'I wish Tony wasn't sat at the front,' he muttered. 'I need someone to explain what's going on, I feel lost.' He rubbed his ribs, which had been sore before Natasha had owned him with her pointy elbows. He couldn't even say it was a battle wound, as the whole team had been there when the accident had happened. They'd been in the kitchen and Clint had reached up to get a cup out of the cupboard, except someone hadn't stacked them very well so the cup flew out the cupboard and smacked him straight in the eye, leaving him with a massive black eye. Natasha had tried to cover it up with makeup, but not a lot could be done, he looked like a panda. His ribs he'd injured when he'd tripped and crashed into the edge of a cabinet, disorientated with one hand pressed against his throbbing eye.

Natasha smirked and tore a clean page from her notepad. She wrote: _'Explain please, with pictures for Clint's benefit'_ on it, folded it in half, wrote _'Tony Stark'_ on the front of it, and passed it to the person in front of her to pass on. The note began its slow descent to their teammate and Clint grinned.

'Passing notes in class?' he said, feigning shock. 'I thought you were above that.'

Natasha shrugged nonchalantly and watched as the person sat behind Tony tapped him on the shoulder and passed him the note. Bruce and Pepper immediately leaned in to read it as he opened it. Bruce said something and handed him a pencil, Pepper sighed and Natasha lip-read _'you have the attention span of a gnat.'_

'Wouldn't it be easier to just text?' Clint asked, frowning.

Natasha shook her head. 'I may have accidentally stood on Tony's phone this morning, heel went straight through it.'

Clint winced in sympathy, he'd been on the receiving end of his partner's heels once or twice. It was not a nice experience. He watched his teammates at the front, Tony was writing something on the paper, hand flying across the page, Bruce was doodling something at the top and Pepper was grinning from ear to ear. Ten minutes later, the note was folded, Tony scribbled something on it, and passed it to the person behind him to pass back up when Kendrick wasn't looking.

Clint saw several people look at the note in confusion and then look around the room, obviously trying to find its intended recipient. Then they spotted him and Natasha and immediately passed it in their direction and Clint just _knew _that Tony had mentioned his eye.

Clint nearly shot Tony in the ass with an arrow when the note reached him, he had not disappointed. Then he realised that his arrows and his bow were in the trunk of the car outside, and all he had on him was a gun he had strapped to his leg and a knife under his shirt sleeve. It would do for his purposes. Natasha must have seen the murder in her partner's eyes so she took the note off him to read what Tony had scrawled on the front.

'_For the scary redhead and the guy with the shiner so big it can be seen from space.'_

Bastard.

She unfolded it and grinned at the little cartoon characters that had been doodled over it.

The note ran as follows:

_Stark Industries gives you SCIENCE featuring HAWKEYE. _(Here was a cartoon drawing of Clint, bow and arrow held aloft with a smirk on his cartoon face.)

_Basically, this moron hasn't balanced his equations properly. _(Here was a cartoon of Clint losing his balance on a see-saw that was being weighed down by numbers.)

_And if he tried to turn the machine on… _(Cue cartoon Hawkeye with his finger pressed down on a button with the sign 'DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON' over his head.)

… _This will happen. _(Here Tony had just written the word 'BOOM!' and underneath was the same picture of Hawkeye pressing the button, only this time he was covered in smoke, his hair was sticking up electrocution style, and there was a cartoon Natasha stood next to him face palming.)

_Or maybe this. _(Here was a picture of the Earth with America blowing up mushroom cloud style, Clint spotted a sign saying 'Welcome to Earth, NO ALIENZ' stuck somewhere in the pacific ocean.)

_Hope this helped :)_

Natasha chuckled and Clint grinned, able to let the eye comment slip… for now.

'This is getting pinned to the fridge,' he informed his partner.

Clint stole another piece of paper from Natasha's notepad, and wrote: _'So what are we going to do about it?' _on it, then scribbled _'SHELLHEAD' _on the front of the note.

Natasha tutted and added _'AKA, Tony Stark' _underneath it and passed it to the person in front of her again, pointing out to Clint that not many people actually _knew _that was their teammate's nickname back at the tower.

The answer came back quickly, and had _'Legolas and Natashalie' _written on it, with _'same guys as last time,' _in smaller writing underneath.

It was simply a cartoon of Pepper about to throw her shoe at a grossly out-of-proportion Kendrick.

Clint took a picture and sent it to Fury.

Once the lecture was finally over, Clint spotted Tony, Pepper and Bruce walk up to Kendrick. Tony handed him a piece of paper and walked off, arm around Pepper's waist. Kendrick's face went from cocky assurance to sheer horror in a matter of seconds. He quickly scrunched the note up and threw it into the bin, stalking off the stage. Clint retrieved it when he reached the front of the lecture hall, it had some kind of scientific equation scrawled over it in Tony's messy scrawl, then the same picture he'd drawn for Clint of America blowing up underneath it. Clint chuckled and pocketed it, deciding it was another fridge worthy drawing.

* * *

_Please review! :)_


	14. It's probing time!

_Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long! This came as a prompt from Amorra, who wanted to see some Steve scared of thunderstoms action :)_

_Please review! You are amazing and I love you, mwah :)_

_Also my netbook doesn't do spell check and I am ill right now there's probably a few but hey, be nice, I updated :)_

* * *

Tony was asleep when Pepper snuck into their room, pulled on his old Violent Femmes t-shirt, and got under the sheets with him, curling up against his side.

Subconciously, Tony immediately rolled over and latched onto her, wrapping his arms around her waist and breathing into her hair. Pepper smiled and was half asleep when the first bolt of lightening exploded across the sky. Tony frowned in his sleep and mumbled something, then buried his face futher into his girlfriend's hair.

At Pepper's quiet request, JARVIS undimmed the window so she could watch the thunderstorm, she saw no sign of Thor though. She smiled, a dark, stormy night outside, and she was curled up in her nice warm bed with the man she loved, bliss.

_'Stark, we need you in the living room, we have a... situation...' _Natasha's voice came through the PA system.

Spoke too soon, Pepper realised, sighing and poking her boyfriend awake. She knew from years of working with him that the intercom wasn't going to wake him up.

'Huh? Wassat what's happening,' Tony said sleepily, blinking awake.

'Natasha wants you,' Pepper said, kissing him gently.

Tony returned her kiss with enthusiasm, then frowned. 'Wait, Natasha wants me? What for?'

'Apparently there's a situation in the living room,' Pepper said, playing with his hair.

'And you wake me up then expect me to immediately leave you when you're doing *that* to my ear?' Tony whined, referring to the way Pepper was kissing the outer rim of his ear in just the way she knew he liked.

'Yes,' Pepper said, letting go of him and pushing him of the bed where he landed on the floor with an almighty bang. 'Now go see what Natasha wants, then come back and we can finish what we started.'

Tony grinned at her and pulled sweatpants and a t-shirt on over his boxers, blowing her a kiss and disappearing out the room.

When he reached the living room, he frowned in confusion. Natasha was stood in a vest top and a _tiny _pair of shorts, and was apparently trying to coax _Captain Fucking America _out from the ceiling vent where he was currently hiding.

'Why?' Tony asked, pointing at the vent.

'Turns out that armies of Hydra soldiers aren't a problem, but our Cap is scared of thunderstorms,' Clint said, arms crossed and eyebrows raised, clearly finding the whole thing incredibly amusing. Whereas Tony had pulled a shirt on, Clint obviously decided he didn't need one.

'And you need me because...?' Tony asked, tapping his foot impatiently.

'Because he won't come out,' Bruce said from the coach, where he was wearing similar attire to Tony and Clint, except his shirt was included.

'Why is Steve in the air vent?' Pepper asked, coming out of her and Tony's room in just his baggy t-shirt, her long legs on display and red hair perfectly messed up.

'You are so gorgeous,' Tony whispered in her ear.

Pepper grinned then elbowed him in the ribs. 'I repeat my question,' she said. _'Why _is Steve in the air vent?'

'He's scared of thunderstorms,' Natasha told her, sighing and going to get a drink, clearly deciding that this was a waste of her time. Her team nodded understandingly, Steve would think the thunder sounded like bullets and explosions, PTSD was a bitch.

'Can't we just get Thor to come sort it out?' Clint asked. 'Because I'm seriously not going to stand here and watch Cap hide in an air vent for the rest of my evening.'

'Thor's in New Mexico with Jane,' Pepper said, sighing. 'We're on our own.'

'Cap! Get your ass out of there!' Tony yelled up to the ceiling.

'Yeah I really don't think that's going to help,' Clint said, sighing.

'I'm fine, guys!' Steve's voice came from the vent. 'Seriously, just go back to bed, I'll be fine when it's over.'

'We're not leaving you up there,' Bruce said, tapping his foot on the ground.

'Seriously, guys! There's no sense in all of us being tired, go back to bed!' Steve said.

Tony looked at Pepper and kissed her cheek, whispering something in her ear. Pepper smiled warmly at him, and nodded, squeezing his hand protectively.

'Okay, fellas, and scary Russian,' Tony said, clapping his hands together. 'Who's feeling strong? I'd like a boost if possible.'

Natasha looked at Pepper and she nodded at her. Clint immediately stepped forward and put his hands together for Tony to nimbly, and with surprising grace, step up onto. Tony climbed onto his teammates shoulders and grabbed the vent panel, tossing it down to Bruce who caught it with such ease the team suspected that Tony spent a lot of his time throwing things at him, probably in an attempt to get him to Hulk-Out. Tony grabbed hold ot the rims of the vent and hauled himself up into it, Clint pushing his foot up to give him a hand.

Steve watched Tony cautiously as he seated himself next to him and calmly adjusted his t-shirt, looking him with an expression that Steve couldn't quite place... was it worry? Understanding? Both?

'So,' Tony said, quietly so the others wouldn't be able to hear. 'Scared of thunderstorms huh? You know, nowadays we have a name for that, it's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.'

Steve nodded at him, he had heard the phrase used by Natasha before, then to Tony's surprise he dropped his head into his hands.

'You must think me such a wuss,' he mumbled. 'Scared of a little thunder.'

To Steve's complete and total surprise, Tony placed a hand gently on his shoulder. 'PTSD is _nothing _to joke about,' he said, in such a serious tone that Steve glanced up at him to see if the tone matched the face of the speaker.

It did.

Tony removed the hand and twiddled his thumbs, something Steve noticed he did when he was a little uncomfortable. It was a few seconds before Tony spoke again, and in the quiet space Steve had no problem hearing him, even though the words were whispered.

'I can't be under water,' Tony said. 'The first time I had a shower after I got back from Afghanistan, I screamed so loud I think I convinced Pepper someone was murdering me. I've never seen her move so fast in her life.'

Steve frowned at him, he'd wondered why Tony would only sit on the side on the pool when the others were having a pool day. He'd heard Clint's plan to push him in, but Natasha grabbed his arm and hauled him off somewhere, Steve heard hushed voices and when they came back, Clint actually looked worried, and gave Tony a pat on the shoulder as he walked past him. Tony didn't seem to mind, he seemed perfectly happy to play on his phone or chat to Pepper or be the referee to 'Dive-Bomb!', Steve's new favourite game.

'They asked me to build a missile,' Tony said, softly. 'The Jerico missle, the one I went over there to demonstrate, except... I refused.'

Steve tried not to stare, he knew that Tony was brave, he'd worked that out when he'd flown the nuke into space, thinking it was a trip he wouldn't be coming back from but this... this was more than bravery, this was _defiance, _in the face of enemies who would sooner kill him then look at him, Steve knew this feeling well, and he felt his respect for Tony Stark rocket up by about 40%.

'Do you know what water-boarding is?' Tony asked, finally meeting Steve's eye and giving him a searching look.

Steve nodded, he'd expected that was what had happened.

'Well then you know what happened,' Tony said, looking up at the dark metal wall of the vent. 'Anyway, you know the rest of the story, I build the armour and the terrorists kiss my shiny metal ass and get the hell out of there. But now...' he shrugged. 'Pepper worked it out when I reacted so violently to taking a swim to relax, Natasha knows of course, and I think she told Clint to stop her from pushing me in the pool, so I am now totally her bitch.'

'We're a strange bunch, aren't we?' Steve asked, chuckling darkly.

Tony's lips quirked in a half-assed attempt at a smirk and he nodded at his teammate. 'That we are,' he agreed. 'Now I do believe that the thunders stopped so I call a movie night, you still need to watch _Paul, _I swear it is the greatest alien film in the world.'

Steve nodded and just as Tony was about to clamber out he put a hand on his shoulder. 'Thank you, Tony,' he said, squeezing the shoulder in a sign of unity.

Tony simply nodded, and dropped down out of sight, closely followed by Steve, who spotted Pepper gently cupping her boyfriend's face in her hands and pressing a light, sweet kiss to his lips.

**XxXxXxX**

That night, 'Yo Fucknuts! It's probing time,' went up on Steve's newly created 'Phrase of the day' board, because seriously, _it's probing time, _how is that **not **awesome?


	15. Late Late Show

_ALL the Clint/Tony bromance! :D So basically, Legolas and Shellhead are made/forced/bribed to do an interview and this is what goes down :)_

_Please review! :D_

_Adios amigos. _

* * *

'Hello and welcome to the Late Late show!' Craig Ferguson bellowed in amongst the audience's cheers and hollers. 'Oh boy do we have a show for you tonight, two of the Avengers will be joining us in the studio!'

There was instant pandemonium and Craig grinned excitedly. 'Unfortunately we couldn't get _all _of them but two is better than none!'

The audience agreed.

'So, without further ado, let's give a big warm welcome to Hawkeye and Iron Man! AKA, Agent Clint Barton and Mr Tony Stark!'

'Big smiles,' Tony whispered to Clint from backstage. 'This'll all be over soon and we can pick up pizza on the way back to the tower.'

Clint plastered a smile on his face and followed his teammate out into the studio, where the screams of the audience were deafening, they were up on their feet chanting their names and going nuts. Clint was slightly put off; this wasn't something that happened to him on a daily basis. Tony on the other hand was taking it all in his stride, and was even head bopping to the music as he shook Craig's hand.

'_Smile, Agent,' _Fury hissed in his ear. _'At least pretend you're happy to be there. Currently you look like you're being tortured.'_

Clint relaxed his smile slightly and shook Craig's hand, sitting down next to Tony who grinned encouragingly at him.

'Well, first things first thank you very much for joining us!' Craig gushed, looking like an excited fanboy at Christmas.

'Thank you for having us,' Tony said, grinning with that infamous Stark Smirk of his and that charm that oozed confidence.

'It's great to be here,' Clint said, feeling like he should probably say something, although he totally had nothing against letting Tony do all the talking.

'So how's life at the tower?' Craig asked.

Tony shrugged. 'Same old,' he said. 'We've gone through seven toasters this week so far.'

Clint had to hand it to Tony; he knew just what the audience wanted.

'Seven?' Craig said, astonished.

'And two microwaves,' Clint added.

'Good grief!' Craig said as the audience laughed. 'Good thing you're a billionaire then!'

'Not for much longer,' Tony chuckled.

'May I ask how these kitchen appliances meet their untimely end?' Craig asked.

'Thor and Cap,' Clint answered, starting to relax in the friendly atmosphere. 'One burns everything and the other blows it up.'

'And somewhere along the line, we're not sure when, about 30 pieces of toast got stuck to the ceiling,' Tony added.

'Wow,' Craig said. 'And what does Ms Potts thinks of all this?'

They'd discussed this before the show, the majority of America were convinced that Tony and Pepper were in a relationship, even though they hadn't made it public yet, so they'd both been certain that Craig would try to fish for answers on the situation. Tony and Pepper had both agreed beforehand to keep their relationship secret for a while longer, so it had been decided that Tony and Clint had to play it cool on that topic.

Tony shrugged nonchalantly. 'She isn't there that much,' he lied. 'But I think she finds it amusing.'

That was a big lie, considering Pepper lived with Tony, she was there _all the time. _And 'amusing' probably wasn't the right word either. 'Annoying' was closer to the truth.

If Craig could tell Tony was pulling a fast one, he didn't say anything, but he didn't stop talking about Pepper either.

'So,' he said. 'As far as I know, Ms Potts was flying to DC the day those aliens…'

'Chitauri,' Tony and Clint said together.

'… Chitauri levelled New York,' Craig finished. 'What was her reaction when she saw you afterwards?'

'Yeah, Tony, what was her reaction?' Clint asked, grinning and enjoying watching his friend squirm as he tried to answer the question, this interview business was better than he thought it would be.

'What was Pepper's reaction? Good question, Craig. Gosh that was ages ago,' Tony said, pretending, not very convincingly, to have forgotten that particular moment in time, even though Clint was sure it was burned onto his retinas.

'Would you like me to answer?' Clint asked.

Tony glared at him and the audience laughed.

'Was it that bad?' Craig asked. Someone in the audience yelled 'tell us!' and there was suddenly a chant going around the room.

Tony grinned and shook his head in defeat. 'She slapped me,' he said, pretending to be disinterested in the subject.

Clint grinned at the memory. The first time he'd met Pepper Potts she had stormed up to her boyfriend and slapped him across the face. He liked her immediately.

'She _slapped _you?' Craig asked, eyebrows disappearing into his hairline and a big grin on his face.

'Yep,' Tony said. 'Straight across the face.'

'It was your own fault, in fairness,' Clint pointed out. Tony conceded his point on that one.

'Why? What happened?' Craig asked, pleased with the response this question got from the audience, who apparently were quite keen to find out what happened as well.

'Um… well…' Tony said. 'Pepper was watching the whole thing on TV on the way to DC, and she saw me fall out the portal but she had no idea if I was still alive or not. My phone got kind of… destroyed, so I couldn't call her.'

'So essentially, she spent the entire trip back to NY thinking you were dead?' Craig clarified.

'Basically, yes,' Tony said. 'Hence the angry slap.'

Clint smiled. Yes, Pepper had slapped him, but she'd kissed him immediately afterwards, before he even got the chance to say 'ow', he'd missed out that bit.

'Well if the newsreels tell us anything, your Pepper is a very headstrong woman,' Craig said.

'That's one way of putting it,' Tony said, chuckling. Craig raised an eyebrow at him and Tony realised his mistake- he hadn't corrected him on the 'your Pepper' comment immediately. Oh boy was he on thin ice. Being put under pressure was all well and good, he'd been in the public eye since the day he was born, but lying under pressure was harder, part of the reason for the 'I am Iron Man' press conference. Well, that and he wanted the attention and recognition. He also wantedpeople to know about Pepper, he wanted people to know how much he cared about her. But they'd made a deal, this was going to be tricky.

'She's not afraid to tell me what to do,' Tony said, shrugging. 'Part of the reason why I hired her?'

'And the other reason?' Craig pressed.

Tony had been expecting this and flashed his playboy smirk. 'Her great legs,' he said, making the audience laugh.

Clint nodded approvingly at him, a small nod only Tony would notice. Hopefully that would help Craig forget that he hadn't corrected him and they could move on with something else.

'So, Black Widow…' Craig said.

_Score._

'… she's your partner?'

'Correct,' Clint said, nodding. 'We've been partners for a few years now.' He really didn't want to talk about Nat, anything he said, he would pay for later.

'She seems pretty badass,' Craig said, grinning. 'I think everyone's seen the footage of her jumping into the air and grabbing the back of that alien jet-ski.' There was an appreciative whistle from the audience.

'She's_ very _badass,' Clint said.

'And scary,' Tony added, not untruthfully.

'Out of Agent Romanoff and Ms Potts, who's the scariest red-head?' Craig asked.

_Yep, there was Pepper again._

Tony looked at Clint who seemed to be considering the question.

'I'm gonna have to say Pepper,' Tony said after a moment's consideration. 'Cause she can make me go to back to back budget meetings all day if I piss her off, Natasha can only kill me, and while I'm sure it'll be imaginative, it wouldn't be as bad.'

The audience laughed and Clint grinned at Tony's answer. 'I'd have to say Natasha,' Clint said. 'She knows everything about me; she has endless streams of blackmail material.'

'Good answer,' Craig said. 'Now, Mr Stark, the question we all want to know the answer too…'

_Here we go._

'… what were you thinking when you flew that missile into the portal?'

_Okay, not the question I'd been expecting, but not good either considering I was thinking about Pepper._

'Uh…' Tony said, pulling a face while the audience held its breath. 'I dunno, I guess I was thinking how this was so not my idea of fun? I don't really remember thinking anything.'

'Rubbish! You were thinking "please please answer your phone",' Clint said. Tony glared at him, and Clint realised he probably shouldn't have said that. Truth is though, he wanted Tony to tell the world about Pepper, he really liked her and wanted the world to know that Tony wasn't a self-righteous uncaring playboy anymore, he'd found his soulmate. Sure, he was annoying practically _all of the time, _but he deserved a chance at happiness same as anybody else did, and until he and Pepper stepped out together, that wasn't going to happen.

The audience 'oooh-ed' as they realised he'd been trying to pull a fast one, and Craig leant closer, making Tony break away from the glare he was giving Clint.

'Answer the phone?' he asked. 'Who were you calling?'

The studio was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop, and Tony looked to Clint for help, who just shrugged.

'I was calling Pepper,' Tony said, quietly. There were murmurs from the audience and Craig leant back in his seat, crossing his arms.

'Do go on,' he said, encouragingly. 'Why were you calling Ms Potts?'

Tony looked at Clint again and he nodded, the unspoken words were there in that nod, _tell them, tell them everything._

'Well,' Tony said. 'As I'm sure you all know I don't have much of a family left. A few cousins here and there that I haven't heard from in years, but that's about it. Pepper… I told her once, when I got back from Afghanistan, that I didn't have anyone but her, and I stand by that, she is literally the only family I have, so when I thought I was going to die, I wanted to talk to her.'

The audience aw-ed and Clint thought he saw a few tears, even in the men.

'What would you have said?' Craig asked, his tone serious, no longer joking.

America held its breath.

'I guess… I would have told her sorry for being an ass to her all these years,' Tony said.

Clint chuckled softly.

'I would have told her… don't work too hard, be nice to the 'bots, and you can have the other 88%.'

Clint smiled when the sincerity of the statement hit him. There was so much more Tony could have told her, but that was between them.

'The other 88%?' Craig asked, and Clint was now sure people in the audience were crying, they were even getting out tissues to dry their eyes.

'Inside joke,' Tony said. 'Stark Tower is Pepper's baby, she came up with the idea of self-sustaining clean energy using the Arc Reactor and I made a quip before the whole Loki mess started that she only got 12% of the tower, whereas I should have told her that she could have the whole damn thing.'

Someone sobbed, noisily, and Tony looked up and grinned.

'Is there anything else you would have told her?' Craig asked, his voice eerily loud in the dead silence of the studio.

Clint gave him a look that clearly said _your call. _Tony's phone dinged and when he pulled it out there was a text from Pepper there, who was watching the show live and had sent him a message saying: _Do it, let's wreak havoc x_

Clint grinned and cracked his knuckles, kicking back against the sofa and looking forward to the mess Tony Stark was about to create.

'Oh hell,' Tony muttered. Then he sighed and looked at Craig. 'I would have told her I loved her.'

Instant and spontaneous chaos irrupted and Tony pulled a face and looked at Clint, who burst out laughing.

'Making mountains out of molehills,' he told his teammate.

Tony shrugged. 'It's what I'm best at,' he admitted.

'Well I think that answers a few questions!' Craig said, grinning in anticipation of the ratings Tony Stark had successfully secured for his show with those eight words. 'Is Ms Potts aware of this?'

'She is,' Tony admitted.

'And how long have you two been… you two?'

'About a year.'

'_How _have you been able to keep it quiet for that long?'

Tony shook his head slowly. 'I have no idea,' he admitted.

'How did you ask her out?' someone yelled from the audience, prompting the rest of them to join in enthusiastically.

'I didn't,' Tony said, thinking about the question. 'It just kind of… happened.'

Clint burst out laughing and Tony glared at him. 'Tell them what really happened, Stark,' Clint said, still grinning.

'Well… it was after the Expo/Hammer Drones fiasco, and Pepper nearly got blown up so I rescued her and we were talking about how we were going to clean this up and I kind of… kissed her.'

The audience showed its appreciation by making wolf whistles and aw-ing, and Craig laughed. 'And that was it,' he said. 'Goodbye to all those years of sexual tension that's been in the press.'

'Essentially,' Tony admitted. 'No regrets, Pepper is the best thing that's ever happened to me.'

More cheers and wolf whistles.

'What about you, Agent Barton?' Craig asked, turning his attention to Clint. 'Is there anything between you and Black Widow?'

'I'm afraid not,' Clint said, shrugging.

'I'm sorry, what was it I caught you two doing on the sofa yesterday?' Tony asked, eyebrow raised.

'I think this is the most fun I have ever had on this show,' Craig said. 'Come on Hawkeye, spill the beans.'

'It wasn't romantic!'

'You had your hands all over each other!'

'She was pulling glass out of my skin!'

'And kissing it afterwards!'

'It hurt!'

'You're such a baby.'

'And what were you and Pepper doing?'

'Fondue!'

No-one except maybe two people in the whole of America caught the hidden meaning behind the words; everyone else just stared blankly at their television screens while the two superheroes grinned at each other.

'We are in so much trouble when we get home,' Clint said, pulling a face.

'If no-one sees us ever again, assume Natasha has killed us,' Tony told the camera, dead serious.

'Well that's all we have time for!' Craig announced. 'You'll have to come back and bring the team with you.'

'Can you imagine Thor in here?' Clint said, laughing.

'Hair and make-up would love him,' Tony grinned.

'Mr Stark, Agent Barton, thank you very very much for brightening up the evening, I very much hope you're not brutally murdered.'

'Barton will be okay, Black Widow's only kill their partners after they have sex with them,' Tony pointed out.

Clint considered this, and then grinned.

Oh boy were there in trouble when they got home.

* * *

_Please review! :D And send me prompts! :D_


	16. Viva La Fiesta!

_MY BABY BROTHER IS 18 TOMORROW! And while I was blowing up balloons this little gem popped into my head :) Sorry I haven't updated in an age! I've got so many half-finished stories on my hard drive I need to sort them all out :P Urgh. Anyway, enjoy! And please review! :D_

* * *

'Does there really have to be 92 balloons?' Clint wheezed as he struggled with balloon number 30. 'My head is starting to spin.'

'Then take a five minute breather,' his partner told him, rolling her eyes at him like it was the obvious thing to do.

'Right,' Clint said, and slumped back against the sofa to watch the proceedings, but not before glaring at Tony, who was helping Pepper pin a 'Happy Birthday!' sign across the door.

'Stark isn't blowing balloons up,' he whined at the others.

'That's because he has cardiac problems,' Pepper told him firmly. 'You all saw what he was like after the whole Loki thing.'

That was very true. Once he'd gotten out of his armour Tony had been sat in a corner for half an hour hooked up to an oxygen rig while Bruce counted his breathing and kept two fingers firmly on his pulse. Turns out space hadn't agreed with him all that well.

'I thought you were supposed to be SHIELD's best agent?' Bruce teased him. 'Can't even blow up a balloon.'

'SHIELD's best agent would be Natasha,' Clint told him, jerking a thumb at her who grinned smugly at her teammates. '92 balloons are a bit much though, it's not like he's going to count.'

'Tis the thought that counts!' Thor announced beaming, a phrase he'd learnt from Pepper no doubt.

Natasha and Bruce nodded approvingly at him and Clint groaned. 'You all suck,' he announced.

'Love you too!' his team said in unison, used to his sulks by now.

'Now get blowing,' Natasha said, handing him another balloon and causing Tony to snicker, earning him a nudge from his girlfriend.

Dum-E and U beeped and whirred on their rotors to get Tony's attention.

'Nice job, guys!' Tony announced, beaming like a proud father. The two bots had spent the last hour hanging streamers from the ceiling and after the decorative pieces had stopped raining down on their heads and Tony had supervised for a few minutes they'd got the hang of it, if anything they'd gone slightly overboard, there wasn't actually much ceiling still visible.

Pepper's phone rang and she scooped it off the table and turned into calm-competent-CEO in seconds. 'Virginia Potts,' she said as she answered it. Tony took this opportunity to sneak behind her, wrap his arms round her waist and plant kisses down her neck in an attempt to distract her. In fairness to Pepper, she must be used to it because she didn't falter in her conversation once, and when she was done she glared at her co-CEO with her hands on her hips while Tony grinned sheepishly at her.

Natasha had finished arranging the helium balloons artfully in the corner of the room and had come over to join Clint on the sofa while he struggled with the remaining 62 balloons. The TV had been turned on as background noise, and it caught Clint's attention as the CNN newsreader began to speak.

'_As some of you may or may not know, tomorrow is the 92__nd__ birthday of Steven Rogers, AKA: Captain America. And I'm sure the people of America will agree with me when I say that he does not look bad on it. It's undecided if Captain Rogers' teammates have anything planned for his big day, but judging by this shot of Tony Stark and Clint Barton in Target_, _I'd say they had something up their sleeves.'_

CNN brought up a photo of Tony and Clint in the party section of Targetwith party hats on their heads dumping packets and packets of balloons in the shopping trolley, the two men in question whooped.

'_As well as buying out the whole aisle,' _the newsreader continued. _'Iron Man and Hawkeye also added several toasters and a couple of microwaves to the cart. The two Avengers mentioned in a recent interview on the _Late Late Show _that their resident God of Thunder had a small issue with electrical appliances. Shame they don't come housetrained because I would not mind one.'_

Tony and Clint laughed so hard they had to sit down (or rather Tony did, Clint was already sat down) and even Pepper and Natasha were smirking behind their hands, Thor just looked pleasantly confused.

'_From all of us here at CNN we wish Steve Rogers many happy returns on your 92__nd__ birthday and hope you are spoiled rotten by your teammates, you certainly deserve it. On a side note, Mr Stark, Agent Barton, please feel free to wear the hats in public, they look good on you.'_

The newsreader winked at the camera and the channel changed to adverts.

Tony nearly coughed cola everywhere and the balloon Clint was blowing up went whizzing across the room.

Pepper picked up the party hat in question and placed it on her boyfriend's head, scrutinising him. 'Meh,' she decided, and leaned forward to kiss him.

Natasha had decided that Clint's party hat looked better on her and had placed it on her own head, humming a song as she helped Pepper move Steve's pile of presents to the middle of the room under the _Happy Birthday! _banner, well one of the banners anyway, Clint and Tony had gone overboard in Target, the newsreader hadn't been joking when she'd said they'd bought out the whole aisle.

'Thoughts, team?' Tony asked once the decorations (minus the rest of the balloons) were done and the room looked like the birthday equivalent of Santa's Grotto.

'He's going to hate us,' Bruce announced.

'On Asgard, we celebrate the occasion of our births by hunting game and having it served for dinner while we drink and tell tales of our glorious victories in battle!' Thor announced.

'The hunting part of that I'm not sure Steve would go for,' Tony told him. 'But the drinking part sounds about right!'

Pepper tutted at him and he hugged her to placate her.

'Right, get on it guys,' Clint said, waving a balloon at the remaining three occupants of the room who were currently not doing anything, Tony excluded of course.

'I can blow up a couple,' Tony protested. 'I'm not an invalid.'

'If you start wheezing I'm knocking you over the head with a fire extinguisher,' Pepper warned him.

Dum-E beeped excitedly and Tony glared at the bot.

'Agreed,' he said, and pulled her onto his lap.

**XxXxXxX**

Steve woke up early on his birthday and lay in bed for a few moments, gazing at the ceiling and enjoying this quiet time to himself.

92 years old.

If life was fair, he'd be an old man, maybe sat on a porch somewhere, maybe with an elderly Peggy at his side and a couple of grandchildren running around. But life wasn't fair, and instead he was in the 21st Century with Howard Stark's son and a band of superheroes as his friends.

_If Bucky could see me now… _he thought to himself wearily and pulled himself out of bed, dressing in his running gear and making his way across his living room and to the lift.

In the foyer of the building, a few Stark Industries' employees were already awake and all smiled at him and wished him a happy birthday as he made his way towards the doors and into the cool air of the early morning.

The city was quiet and peaceful in the early hours, and Steve enjoyed the tranquillity as he made his way towards the park. No-one recognised him; he was just another man out for a run before the working day. Steve liked it; he liked being anonymous, free from the prying eyes of the press and the hustle and bustle of SHIELD and the insanity of his teammates, Tony Stark mainly but if he was being honest they were all as bad as each other.

**XxXxXxX**

By the time he made it back to the tower, Steve had a small bag of things people had thrown at him as he ran past. Not in a bad way, in an _'it's your birthday here have some free stuff!' _way. Turns out Steve wasn't as anonymous as he thought and people knew the route he usually jogged and had waited there to give him cards from their children and homemade gifts like cakes and pictures.

By the time he made it back to his floor and into the shower, Steve was stunned. Truthfully, he hadn't thought that people really _cared _that much. After the Battle of New York (as it was now being called), there were some people who had been furious at the Avengers for the damage done to the city. Tony had turned his charm on with the majority of them (especially after donating hefty sums to clean-up crews and disaster charities), but Steve was used to the occasional glare whenever he stepped out into the streets.

He ate one of the cakes on the way up to Tony & Pepper's floor. Despite it being _their _floor (or the Lair of Pepperony) as Clint referred to it, it had become a kind of ritual for them to all gather there and eat breakfast together.

What he saw when the lift doors opened though was _not _what he had expected.

Balloons.

_EVERYWHERE._

Covering nearly every available piece of floor space and invading the furniture as well. Steve may not be as good at maths as a certain Mr Tony Stark but he would have bet his shield that there were 92 balloons in the room.

Well, maybe not his shield.

The Avengers themselves, however, were all fast asleep on the sofa and, in some cases, each other. Tony and Pepper occupied one end of the sofa; Tony was stretched out on his back with Pepper sleeping contentedly on his stomach and what looked like an oxygen mask on the floor next to them. Clint and Natasha were leaning on each other in the middle and Thor and Bruce were at the other end, Thor was flat on his back snoring away. The others had got used to this now though.

Steve had just enough time to retrieve his phone, take a picture and upload it to Twitter when Pepper's phone rang, the shrill _TRILLLLLL _of the device made everyone jump out of the seats immediately, Clint and Natasha automatically reaching for their weapons and Thor summoning Mjolnir (nearly taking Steve's head off in the process but he was used to this by now and was able to duck in time).

Then they saw Steve.

'STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!' they all chorused while Pepper answered her phone.

'Um… what?' Steve asked gesturing helplessly around the room and _oh my days were Dum-E and U wearing party hats?_

'Happy birthday!' they yelled.

Speechless was not the word. Steve felt like he was either about to start crying or start laughing. This is not what he had expected. He hadn't expected any of them to _remember _to start with, Pepper maybe but not _this. _Balloons and banners and streamers and was that _presents?_

'Are those for me?' Steve said uncertainly.

'No, they're for me, duh they're for you!' Clint told him. 'Seriously, dude! It's your birthday, presents are the norm!'

For Steve growing up, birthdays meant a warm, home cooked meal with his mother in front of the fire and a sixpence to go and buy sweets or a new scarf or something, it was simple and nice and familiar and _why so many balloons._

Steve started to laugh, he couldn't help it. He'd thought everyone had forgotten and there was just SO MANY balloons! He had presents; he could see a huge cake on the table and _92 candles? Really guys? _There were massive banners in the windows and streamers on the ceiling and Tony's bots were wearing party hats and Tony and Bruce's hair was sticking up on end and it was all so amusing and hilarious that Steve had to sit down.

'We've broken him,' Tony announced.

'Balloons!' Steve managed. 'So many!'

His team were all giving him very strange looks at this point and Steve had to make a conscious effort to stop laughing. 'You guys are the best,' he said. 'Seriously.'

'We know,' Natasha said, looking smug. 'Now hurry up and open your presents. I need to get in the shower.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Steve saluted her and picked up the first one.

Maybe today wouldn't be a total loss.

* * *

_Please review!_

_I love you all ^_^_

_IRON MAN 3 WHO'S EXCITED ME ME ME._


	17. Is it a bird! Is it a plane! Um, no

_An extremely late birthday present for thatpersonwhoisthatperson :P Sorry! Enjoy :) Where I got the idea for this I can't remember, I was probably making toast._

_Keep sending prompts! :D_

* * *

It was a normal day in the tower.

Well, as normal as it got with six superheroes all in the same building, that is to say, not very normal at all.

Thor was truly living up to his nickname of 'Blondie' that morning. His Pop Tart had crumbed to pieces in the toaster so he was now trying to fish it out, while the toaster was still on.

Pepper was tiredly pouring herself a cup of coffee; she'd spent most of the night trying to get Tony to calm down. Ever since New York, his nightmares had gotten much worse and he barely slept, she'd caught him escaping out of bed when he thought she was asleep so he didn't keep waking her up, but she'd put a stop to that.

Natasha looked just as tired, but she'd only just gotten back from a mission and was contemplating her messy greasy hair in the window's reflection, turning her nose up and mentally reminding herself to book a manicure.

Tony stumbled in while Thor was opening the cutlery drawer to find something to prize his precious (and now burnt to a crisp) Pop Tart from its grave. Tony went straight to Pepper and played with a few loose strands of her hair while pouring himself a cup of coffee.

It was then he noticed what Thor was doing.

The God of Thunder (not understanding how electricity worked despite being able to summon it at will) was brandishing a fork in one hand and the toaster in the other. Tony did some quick mental math, he wasn't bothered about Thor getting electrocuted, he could control lightning after all. He was more worried about the trajectory of the toaster because Thor, being Thor, was going to throw it after it shocked him, that was a dead cert, and by the looks of it, it was going to collide with…

Tony barely had time to yell 'don't be a klutz!' before Thor jammed the fork into the switched on electrical appliance and a jolt of electricity strong enough to kill a normal person surged through the God's body. Angrily, Thor picked up the toaster, and chucked it.

Tony dived for Pepper and pulled her out of the way, the toaster collided smack bang on his forehead and goodnight Vienna.

Neither Pepper nor Natasha had even noticed what Thor was up too until Pepper was forcibly removed from her spot by the coffee machine, something went flying past her face, and then Tony was out cold on the floor.

Natasha had drawn her gun but realising it was Thor instead just stared at him.

'You _idiot!' _she hissed at him.

'Tony. Tony!' Pepper said, fingers pressed against Tony's neck.

Natasha grabbed an ice pack out the freezer, wrapped it in a tea towel and pressed it against the large red welt forming on her unconscious teammate's forehead.

'He'll be fine,' she told the aforementioned unconscious teammate's girlfriend. 'He's had worse. Plus I think Tony would strongly protest about a toaster being his undoing.'

'I was unaware the toaster would defend itself so strongly!' Thor protested.

'It's called _electricity,'_ Natasha glared at him. 'You're meant to be the God of Thunder!'

'Is Friend Stark alright?' Thor asked, kneeling down next to him.

'He'd be a lot better if some idiot hadn't _thrown a toaster at him,' _Pepper shouted at him.

Thor actually backed away, Protective Pepper was that scary.

On her lap, Tony started to stir, screwing up his eyes and pulling a face.

'Tony, say something!' Pepper said, leaning over him so her hair fell across his chest.

'Ow,' he mumbled.

'Man of Iron I am most humbly sorry,' Thor apologised, genuine distress on his features.

'We do _not _stick _forks _into _switched on electrical appliances,' _Tony said to what he thought was Thor but was actually the oven.

'He's concussed,' Natasha announced, sighing.

'JARVIS, could you let my 9 o'clock and my PA know something's come up so I'm going to be late?' Pepper asked, readjusting the ice pack over her boyfriend's face. Tony caught her hand and held it there, eyes half open.

'_Of course, Miss Potts,' _the AI said.

Pepper turned her attention back to Thor. 'You,' she said sternly, 'are going to _carefully _carry him to his room.'

'Huh?' Tony mumbled, blinking disconcertingly at this idea, he didn't have time to properly complain however, because in that moment Thor picked him up and he let out a very un-manly squeak.

Once deposited on his bed, Pepper ordered Thor out the room and pulled Tony onto her lap so his head was resting on his chest, holding the ice pack in place with one hand and entwining their fingers together with the other.

'Ow,' Tony mumbled.

'Only you would get knocked out with a toaster,' Pepper told him fondly.

'I did it for you,' Tony told her, eyes sliding closed.

'And it's much appreciated,' she told him, placing a kiss lightly on top of his hair.

'Could have been worse,' Tony said after a while.

'Hmm?'

'Could have been the microwave.'

* * *

_Please review! Sorry for the delay! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM :D_


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